Them Or Us (The Book)

"Them Or Us (The Book)" is the first book writen by FZ, published by Barfko Swill (Los Angeles) in 1984 (No ISBN), containing 351 pages.

The book is written in quasi-screenplay style and contains tons of conceptual continuity clues. It is partly narrated by Francesco Zappa.

The book opens with a foreword:

This cheesy little home-made book was prepared for the amusement of people who already enjoy Zappa music. It is not for intellectuals or other dead people. It is designed to answer one of the more troubling questions related to conceptual continuity: 'How do all of these things that don't have anything to do with each other fit together, forming a larger absurdity?' Your enjoyment of the contents could be anhanced by hearing some of the music described in the text. The albums shown on the back cover contain some of these songs. Other songs derive from 'Joe's Garage' and "Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch'. This is a story book. It is not a rock & roll biography. This is the only REAL & OFFICIAL FRANK ZAPPA BOOK. All other books attempting to trade on my name are unauthorized and full of misinformation. This book is dedicated to all of the fans who have made the last 20 years of large-scale absurdities possible. This book used to be called 'Christmas In New Jersey'.

The album covers on the back of the book are: "Francesco Zappa", "Them Or Us", "Thing-Fish", and "The Old Masters". The front cover is that photo from "True Glove" with FZ and his oven mitten.

"Them Or Us (The Book)" contains the lyrics to "Flam Bay", "Spider Of Destiny" and "Time Is Money", originally issued as instrumentals on "Sleep Dirt", but being part of the (unproduced) "Hunchentoot" stage play.

...

The Index

See also: Wiki style index.

#

'200 Motels', 18
'2001: A Space Odyssey', 182, 247
3 Stooges, 244
60 Minutes, 122

A

Aaron, 302
ABC, 68
Abraham, 302
Academia, 255
Acapulco, 148
Ajax, 127
Alabama, 81
Alaska, 178
Algeebra, 152
'Alien, The', 178, 253
Alladin Hotel, 304
Allan, 139-141, 143-146, 151, 153, 165, 168-171, 173-174, 177, 181, 187, 247
America, 21, 184, 255, 257, 262, 306, 310, 322
'American Werewolf In London', 146, 161
'Amos & Andy', 262
Angelina, 13-14
'Annie Sprinkle's Home-Made Porn Book', 157
Annie, 278
Appliantology, 90, 93
Artificial Rhonda, 313-315, 317-318, 320-321, 330, 333, 347-348
Atlantis, 274
'Aunt Jemima', 53, 55, 264
Avon Co-log-nuh, 152

B

'Babes In Toyland', 221
'Baby Take Your Teeth Out', 152
Bald-Headed John, 107-111
Banco Ambrosiano, 117
Barney, 72, 155-158, 160-164, 166-167, 171, 247, 250-251
Beatle Boots, 73
Bemmelmans, Mr., 118-121, 147
Benny-Hanny, 344
Bible, 262, 301, 304
Big John Masamanian, 43
Big Swifty, 44
Billy The Mountain, 34-40, 49, 56-57
Bob, Gay, 99-100, 102
Boney's Market, 41
Borg, Mrs., 72, 74-75
Borg, Sy, 74, 95-103
Botchino, 139, 180
Bowie, David, 11
Bozo, 161, 251
Brainiac, 153
Brasserie, The, 83-84
'Brnoqqa, The', 153
Broadway, 25, 193, 196, 223-224, 239, 247, 261, 266-267, 269, 278-281, 308, 310, 312, 340-341, 347-348
Broadway, The, 53
Brown Moses, 302, 308, 317, 319, 338-339, 347-348
Bun-raku, 283
Burger King, 276
Butzis, Officer, 75, 77, 166

C

Cadillac El Dorado, 35
California, 26, 39, 158, 256
Canoga Park, 39, 84
Carbone, Toni, 77
Catanti, Count, 12, 14-15
Cecil, 124, 126-134, 136-137, 147, 181-182, 184, 217-218, 220-223
Central Scrutinizer, The 70-72, 74-75, 78, 82, 87, 89-90, 93-94, 97, 103-104, 106-107, 111
Channel 13, 153
Charmin, 161
Cheeseburger, 15-17
Cheviot Hills, 39
Chicago, 333
'CHiPs', 173
'Christmas In New Jersey', 1, 351
Closet, The, 94, 112
Cochran, Wayne, 3
Colaiuta, Vinnie, 77
Columbus, 40
Copenhagen, 111
Coppola, Francis Ford (Frankie C.), 12-15, 348
'Corn Hole', 159
Count, The, 348
Crab-Grass Baby, 317-318, 321, 338, 344, 347-348
Crisco, 336
Crosby, 52
Cuccurullo, Warren, 76, 80, 86, 101, 142
CYO, 75-76

D

Daisy, 127-129, 138, 349
Dano, 287
'Death Valley Days', 137
Debbie, 21
Debra, 152
DeNameland, Quentin Robert, 50-51, 296, 301, 304-305, 309, 317, 320-321, 323, 330, 348
Denny, 344
Deutsches Museum, 120
'Devil In Miss Jones, The', 25, 350
Devil, The, 18
Dodge, 72
Donny 'n Marie, 329
Downey, 35
Drakma, 187, 189-196, 205-209, 211, 213, 215-217, 224, 227-233, 235-236, 238, 241-242, 244-248, 251
'Dream Girls', 268, 345
Duke of York, Reginald, 4-9, 12, 22, 256, 296, 317
Dummy, The, 26-32, 34-35, 37, 39-40, 42-43, 51-54, 56-57, 61, 66-67, 69-70, 83, 100, 119, 121, 142, 147-148, 182-184, 217-224, 247, 351
Durk, 196-203, 207-211, 213-214, 225-246, 250, 349
Dutch Girl With Ugly Teeth, 10
Dutch Midgets, 10, 18, 296, 348

E

Planet Earth, 186-188, 190-191, 195-196, 209-210, 214-215, 223, 225-226, 229-230, 232-234-236, 239-242, 244-245, 247
Ebneezra, 152
Eddie, 18
Edwards Air Force Base, 39
Egypt-Land, 317, 319, 338
Einstein, 63
Elephant Man, 14, 154, 296
Encino, 139, 144, 168, 173, 257
Ethell, 34-41, 56-57
Europe, 14
Evelyn (aka Killer Collie), 154, 163, 170
Evil Prince, 260, 276-282, 284, 301, 311-312, 340-344, 347
Exorcist, 69, 113, 115
'Eye of The Tiger', 119

F

Falcum, 109
Fanoga, Fred, 130
Fanoga, Larry, 72-74, 78-82, 86, 130-134, 136-137, 147, 181-182, 184, 217-218, 220-223
Fender, 72
'Fiddler On The Roof', 24-25
Fido, 250
First Lady, The, 25
Florence, 72, 155-158, 160, 162-164, 167
'Flosser, The', 153
Force-lings, 196-204, 207, 209, 214-215, 225-230, 241-244, 246, 249
Foster Grants, 153
France, 10, 16
'Francesco Zappa's String Disco Trio', 24
'Francesco Zappa's String Trio Opus I, 2nd movement', 12
'Francesco Zappa's String Trio Opus I, number one', 3
Francine, 141, 146-147, 153, 157-158, 167
Freckles, 111
Freedent Gum, 149
French Revolution, 14
Fresno, 9, 262
Frunobulax, 163, 249, 251

G

Galleria, The, 144, 169
Genghis Kahn, 349
Georgia, 81
Germany, 14
Gethsemane, The Garden of, 114
Gladys, 44
Glendale, 39-40
Glenoaks, 40
Gorgonzola, Mr., 67, 183, 196
Graham, Billy, 302
Granada Hills, 39
Grateful Dead, 306
'Grease II', 79
Greek Town, 293
Greggery Peccary, 43-51
Gretchen, 140-142, 147, 149, 152-153, 157, 165, 168-173, 176-177, 180-182, 223, 248
'Grove's Dictionary of Music and Musicians', 3-4, 349
Grunt People, The, 181-184, 218, 220-221

H

H.B.O., 120
Hague, The, 10
Halloween (The Event), 65
Happy Valley, 124
Harley, 34
'Harnilton', 243-245
Harry, 152-153, 161, 166-167, 259, 265, 267-271, 281-282, 287-288, 294, 305, 307-308, 310-311-313, 332-338, 340-341, 345-348
Harry-As-A-Boy, 305-310, 313-315, 317-321, 347-348
Hawaiian Lunch, 321, 330
Hawthorne, 39
Hello Dolly, 278, 281
Hendrix, Jimi, 67, 175
Herzberg, 59-61, 66, 117-121, 147, 197, 232
Hilton, 320
Hitler, Adolf, 120, 147
Hohner, 192
Hollywood Boulevard, 53
Hollywood, 152, 175, 248
Holy Land, The, 114
Hoover, L. Ron, 90-93
Horace, 145-147
Hunchentoot, 187, 190-195, 204-211, 213-217, 236-251, 253
Hunchmen, 48-49, 67
Hustler, 314

I

'Ignint McNugget', 275, 296
Ike, 84
Irwindale, 39, 43

J

Jack Daniels, 304-305
Jack-In-The-Box, 87-89
Japan, 248
Jerry, 140, 169-170, 172-173
Jerusalem, 115, 117
Jesus, 114-117, 147, 211, 302, 341
Jimmy, 72, 154-158, 160-164, 167, 171-172, 251, 253
Joe, 72-76, 78, 86-104, 106, 111-113
'Joe's Garage', 1
John, 172
Jolson, 263
Jones, Father Riley B. (a.k.a. Buddy Jones a.k.a. Father Riley), 75-77, 84-86, 106-108, 111, 113-117, 147
Jordache Jeans, 287
Josie, 127-128
Jumbo, 344

K

Kadabra, Debra Fauntleroy-Magnesium, 153
Kaiser Broiler Foil, 53
Kato, 111
Khadaffi, Muhammar, 115, 147, 159, 163, 248-250
Killer Collie (Evelyn), 164, 167-173, 177-178, 248
Killer Squis, 152, 154, 159, 162, 174, 176-177
King of The Grunts, 183-184, 196
Kiss, 156-157
Kissinger, 70
KTTV, 39
Kubrick, 183

L

L.A., 152
L.A.P.D., 75, 166
Lady Aurora, 4, 6-9, 12, 296, 317
Lang, Kelly, 68, 168, 171-172, 177
Lankershim Boulevard, 152
Las Vegas, 32, 37-38, 64, 129, 304
Leave-It-To-Beaver, 72, 154
'Lemme Take You To The Beach', 176
Levi Cloth, 125-126, 137
Lewis, Jerry, 16, 40
Lincoln, 35
Lincoln, Abraham, 25-26, 67, 101, 122, 147, 350
Little Miss Muffett, 241, 248
Lomita, 39
Long Island, 345
Love Doll, The, 3
LSD, 73
Lucille, 87-90, 98, 102
Lunar Maiden, 180

M

M.B.A., 314
Mac Donalds, 188
Madison Square Garden, 116, 119
'Mammy Nuns', 262-264, 266-269, 272-273, 282, 284-286, 301, 308-309, 312-314, 317, 319-320-321, 327, 333-334, 340-341, 346-347
Manhattan, 68, 340
Manx, 112, 151, 159-160, 174
Marie Antoinette, 349
Mary, 76-79, 81-87, 98, 102
McDoodle, 111
Mehta, Zubin, 41
Mercedes Benz, 288, 291
Mercedes, 141
Miami, 83-85
Milan, 3-4
Mildred, 44
'Missile to The Moon', 151
Mitchell, Joni, 52
Mojave Desert, 34, 38
Mongolian, 349
Monroe, Marilyn, 122, 349-350
Moon, The, 137-138, 180-181, 184, 218, 225, 233
Moore, Tim, 262
'Mother, Mary 'n Jozef', 130
Mozart, 4, 11-12
MTV, 253
Mudd Club, 293-295
Muhammitz, Rance, 18
Munich, 118-120

N

N.A.A.C.P., 262
N.A.S.A., 135
National Enquirer, The, 65
NBC, 18, 171, 177
Nevada, 304
New Amsterdam, 22
New Gilded Grape, The, 115
New Jersey, 1, 3-4, 56, 301, 305, 317, 321
New York, 21-24, 37, 54-55, 68
Newhall, 39
Newton, Wayne, 64
'Night of The Living Dead', 170
Nivea Lotion, 285
No Not Now, 347
No-Doz, 322

O

Ohio, 40
Oklahoma, 278
Old Zircon, 31-32, 43-51, 68-69, 113, 116-117, 121, 147, 350
Oldsmobile, 317, 319
One-Adam-Twelve, 285-286, 288, 303, 318
Opal, 304-305, 348
Orange County, 41
Orphan Annie, 341

P

Pacoima, 39
Palance, Jack, 281
Palmdale, 39
Palo Alto, 65, 143
Papier Mache Spider, 151, 159, 184-185, 192-193, 219, 221, 223-224, 247
Parco Redecessio, 4
Park Avenue, 68
Partinico, Sicily, 12-13
Peter Pan, 278
Phlorescent Leech, 18
Phydeaux III, 85
Pinewood Studios, 18
Pinocchio, 42
Playa del Rey, 39
Playboy, 346
Playgirl Magazine, 86, 142
Poland, 116
Pomona, 111
Pope, 311
Porcelana Fade Cream, 168
Porsche, 141
President, The, 25-26, 65, 67, 69, 101-102, 116, 137-138, 350
Presley, Elvis, 67, 175
Princess Celestia (Gretchen), 182
Putnam, George, 39, 41, 43, 51-52, 54-55

Q

'Queen Of Outer Space, 138, 180

R

Raggedy Ann, 333
Ralph's, 53
Rather, Dan, 122
RCA, 346
Reagan, Ronald, 276
Regines, 68
Rhonda, 259, 265, 268-271, 281-282, 287, 294, 305, 307-308, 310-313, 324, 332-338, 341-342, 345-348
Ricky The Dwarf, 159, 162, 176-177
Ringo, 19
Robbie, 293
Roberts, Elliot, 52
Roger, 151, 159
Rogers, Will, 40
Rolling Hills, 39
Rolling Stone, 52
Rosa, 149, 157
Rosie, 127-129
Royal Crown, 285

S

Sagan, Almost Carl, 124-130, 132, 134, 136, 140-141, 180, 185, 192, 219, 224, 247, 249-250
Sagan, Carl, 124
Sagan, Not Quite, 185-189, 192-194, 196, 199, 215, 223, 225, 227, 241, 249-250
Saint Loomis, 343-344
Sally, 139, 168, 171-172
San Fernando Valley, 72, 75, 143, 174
San Fernando, 39
San Joaquin Valley, 39
San Quentim, 261, 270, 282, 284, 344
Santa Claus, 332, 334
Santa Monica, 21, 39, 309
Scarfone, Carmenita, 77
Sedaka, Neil, 42
Sedelmayer beer, 41
Shadow Hills, 39
Shemp, 15-25, 253-254, 260, 263, 276
Shields, Brooke, 22
'Ship Arriving Too Late To Save A Drowning Witch', 1
Short Forest, 48
Short Girl, The, 29-31, 34, 36, 41-42, 55, 57
Sicily, 12-14
Simmons, Jeff, 88
Singing Cowboys, 41, 52, 55-56, 73, 144-145
Sister Anne de Devine, 263, 267, 282, 319
Sister Ghenghis-Adonis-Osmosis, 263, 267, 282, 285, 319
Sister Jasmine Noxema-Tapioca, 263, 267, 285, 297
Sister Ob'dewlla 'X', 260, 267-268, 271, 277, 314, 332, 334-335, 338-339, 342, 344, 347-348
Sister Owl-Gonkwin-Jane Cow-Hoon, 263, 267, 287-294, 319
Sister Potato-Head Bobby Brown, 263, 267, 285, 297
SLC, 292
Smith-Barney, 69
Snodgrass, Miss, 46
Spreen, Bob, 35
Sprinkle, Annie, 157
Squat, The Magic Pig, 29-31, 34, 36, 41-42, 55, 57, (96)
Stallone, Sylvester, 115
'Star Wars', 78
'Steaming Poop-Chute', 154, 160
Stoller, Shirley, 260
Strato-Caster, 72
Studebaker Hoch, 41, 52-57, 79
Studio '54, 296
Sullivan, Ed, 241, 268
Sunland, 39
Sunset, 53
SWAT, 75, 166-167
Sweeney, Billy, 118, 124-126, 128-129, 132-137, 147, 181-182, 184, 218-223
Sweenoid, 181
Sylmar, 39

T

TeleFunken U-47, 82, 101
'Thing, The', 178
'Thing-Fish', 253, 255, 259-260
Thing-Fish, 260-278, 281-288, 295, 297-299, 301-308, 310-315, 320-335, 337-339, 342-344, 347-348
Tijuana, 317, 319
Toad-O, 72, 83
Tokyo, 111
Torrance, 39
Tujunga, 39
Tupper-Ware, 280

U

U.S., 124-125, 181, 184
U.S.A., 273
Uncle Ben's Rice, 308
Uncle Willie, 26-32, 34-41, 43, 51-54, 56-57, 61-63, 65-67, 69-70, 83, 100-102, 122, 142-143, 147, 350
Utah, 321, 328-329

V

'Valley Girl Beach Party', 144, 152, 173
'Valley Girl', 143, 145
Van Allen Radiation Belt, 128-129, 135
Ventura, 144
'Village People, The', 308
Vine, 53
Virginia, 260, 287
Volkswagen, 43
Volvo, 317-318

W

Wall Street Journal, 145
Wall Street, 71
Wanda, 44, 346
Warner Brothers, 337
Washington, 302
Westchester, 39
White House, The, 25, 122
White Street, 293
Wilson family, 26
Wilson, Andrew, 26, 65
Wilson, Buddy, 26, 59-62, 65-68, 113-117, 147
Wilson, Carolyn, 26, 65
Wilson, Chrissy, 26, 61-62, 65-67
'Won Ton On', 347
Woolite, 269-270

X

X-1, Sweeney, 134-135, 138, 180-182
Xenon, 22
XQJ-37 Pan-Sexual Roto-Plooker, 95, 104

Y

Young, Neil, 52

Z

Zappa, 169, 171, 254, 256
Zappa, Francesco, 3-25, 253-260, 262-263, 268, 281, 283, 295, 305, 314, 317, 321, 332, 336, 347-349
Zappa, Frank (a.k.a. Moon's Dad), 1, 169-170, 172-174, 253, 255-260, 262-263, 268, 281, 348
Zappa, Moon, 144, 169-174
Zyklon-B, 71