Quentin Robert DeNameland

In "The Adventures of Greggery Peccary"

Quentin Robert DeNameland is a character that makes his first appearance in "The Adventures Of Greggery Peccary". In that song, he is referred to as "the greatest living 'philostopher' known to mankind". He agrees to help Greggery to solve the mystery of the "New Brown Clouds" under the condition that the peccary attend one of his "special therapeutic group assemblies". In the end, however, after Greggery has fulfilled his end of the bargain, he is left with some absolutely useless advice and realises that Quentin has ripped him off.

Quentin's speech has been drastically shortened over time. On the final version of "Greggery Peccary" (released in 1978 on Studio Tan), all he said was:

"Folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this clock over here is behaving, TIME IS OF AFFLICTION! Now this might be cause for alarm among a portion of you, as, from a certain experience, I tend to proclaim: 'THE EONS ARE CLOSING'!"

Originally, however, Quentin's speech was much longer (as can be seen in Zappa's article "The Complete History Of The Few Last Weeks Of The Mothers Of Invention" from 1972):

"Well, folks, as you can see for yourself, the way this clock over here is behaving, TIME IS OF AFFLICTION! This may be cause for alarm among a portion of you, as, from a certain experience, I tend to proclaim: 'THE EONS ARE CLOSING!'! Now what does this mean, precisely to the layman? Simply this: 'MOMENTARILY, THE NEED FOR THE CONSTRUCTION OF NEW LIGHT WILL NO LONGER EXIST!'
Of course, some of you will say: "Who is HE to fell me from this light?" But, in all seriousness, ladies and gentlemen, a quick glance at the erratic behavior of the large, precision-built TIME-DELINEATING APPARATUS beside me will show that it is perhaps only a few moments now! Just look how funny it's going around there! Personally, I find mechanical behavior of this nature to be highly suspicious! When such a device doesn't go normal, the implications of such a behavior bodes not well! And, quite naturally, ladies and gentlemen, when the mechanism in question is entrusted with the task of the delineation of time itself, and if such a mechanism goes on the bum, or the fritz... well, it spells trouble!"

In Thing-Fish

Quentin Robert DeNameland makes a second appearance in Zappa's 1984 musical Thing-Fish. By then, he seems to have abandoned his profession as "philostopher" and become a televangelist, leading the "Quentin Robert DeNameland Video Chapel of Economic Worship" (in "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing").

In "Clowns On Velvet" it is explained that his wife is Opal (who also makes an appearance in "Lonesome Cowboy Burt" on 200 Motels) and that he had an affair with Harry's wife Rhonda (by then still in her un-emancipated state as a rubber doll called Artificial Rhonda). Later on, in "The White Boy Troubles" it is also revealed that he is the biological father of the Crab-Grass Baby.

Quentin's depiction in Thing-Fish bears strong resemblence to Zappa's treatment of the Jimmy Swaggart scandal in 1988.