Porn Wars Deluxe

Chairman (John Danforth): The reason for this hearing is not to promote any legislation. Indeed, I don't know of any suggestion that any legislation be passed. But to simply provide a forum for airing the issue itself, for ventilating the issue, for bringing it out in the public domain. Senator Hollings.

Senator Hollings: I've had the opportunity to, ah, attend a, a showing, you might say, or presentation of, ah, this porn rock, as they call it. In the test of pornography, one of the things to look at is it, it does not have any redeeming social value. Ah, there could be an exception here, because having attended that pres, presentation, the redeeming social value I find that is inaudible. I have a hard time understanding it, then. Paul, since I traveled the country for 3 years, 'n they said they could not understand me. Maybe I could make a good rock star; I don't know. Heh . . . But in all candor, I would tell you it's, it's outrageous filth. So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used on the Congress to limit this outrageous filth.

Bow tie daddy dontcha blow your top<br? Everything's under control
Bow tie daddy dontcha blow your top
'Cause you think you're gettin' too old
Don't try to do no thinkin'
Just go on with your drinkin'
Just have your fun, you old son of a gun
Then drive home in your Lincoln

Senator Exon: What is the reason for these hearings in front of the Commerce Committee?
FZ: Sex!
Senator Hawkins: Well . . .
FZ: Sex!
Senator Hawkins: Thank you. I think that statement tells the story to this committee.
Rev. Jeff Ling: "Listen you little slut, do as you are told"
Senator Exon: What is the reason . . .
FZ: Sex!
Senator Exon: For these hearings in front of the Commerce Committee?
FZ: Sex!
Underwear
FZ: Bondage!
Rev. Jeff Ling: Listen you little slut
Rev. Jeff Ling: Listen you little slut, do as you are told
FZ: Sex, and lots of it
Rev. Jeff Ling: Fixed her good.
FZ: Sex! Sex! Sex! Sex! . . .

Senator Hawkins: I'd be interested to see what toys your kids ever had.
FZ: Why would you be interested?
Senator Hawkins: Just as a point of interest in this . . .
FZ: Well, come on over to the house. I'll show 'em to you . . . Really!
Senator Hawkins: I . . . I might do that.

Senator Trible: Rape, incest, sexual violence . . . is like sandpaper to the soul . . .
Senator Trible: Now, the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic
Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth!
Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle
Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other
Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth!
Senator Hawkins: Objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted minds . . .
Johnny "Guitar" Watson: YEAH!
Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . .
Senator Hollings: Porn rock
Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air
Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage is more subtle
Senator Hawkins: Fire and chains and . . . other
Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would.
Senator Hawkins: Objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted minds . . .
Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . .
Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH!
Senator Hollings: Something that we have got to give some kind of attention to.
Senator Trible: The mere announcement of this hearing led to cries of censorship.
Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . .
Senator Hollings: Porn Rock
Senator Trible: Now the effects of such lyrics on a well adjusted child may not be cataclysmic . . .
Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it, I would.
Senator Trible: Rather the emotional damage . . .

Chairman: Thank you very much, Mr. Zappa. You understand that the, the, ah, previous witnesses were not asking for legislation. And I, I don't know, I can't speak for Senator Hollings, but I think that the prevailing view here is that nobody is asking for legislation. The question is just focusing on what a lot of people perceived to be a problem, and you have indicated that you at least understand that there is another point of view.

Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air
Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air
Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air

Chairman: Senator Gore.

Senator Gore: Thank you very much, Mr. Chairman. I found your statement very interesting and, ah, let me say although I disagree with some of the statements that you make and have made on other occasions, I have been a fan of your music, believe it or not. And I, I, ah, respect you as a true original and a tremendously talented musician.

Spider: Ooh, wait a minute!

Senator Exon: I was surprised that Senator Gore knew and liked your music. I must confess that I have never heard any of your music, to my knowledge. FZ: I would be more than happy to recite my lyrics to you.

It can't happen here
It can't happen here
I'm telling you, my dear
That it can't happen here
Because I been checkin' it out, baby
I checked it out a couple a times

But I'm telling you
It can't happen here
Oh darling, it's important that you believe me
(Bop bop bop bop)
That it can't happen here

Who could imagine that they would freak out somewhere
in Kansas . . .
(Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . Kansas . . . )
(Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to
Kansas, Kansas, la la la)
(Kansas, Kansas, do-do-dun to-to
Kansas, Kansas)
Who could imagine that they would freak out in Minnesota . . .
(Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi
Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi-mi . . . )
(Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota,
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota,
Mama Minnesota, Mama Minnesota,
Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-ma Mama Minnesota)
Who could imagine . . .

Who could imagine
That they would freak out in Washington, D.C.

Senator Exon: Can we forgo that?
Senator Gore: You, you've probably never heard of the Mothers Of Invention. Senator Exon: I have heard of Glenn Miller and Mitch Miller. Did you ever perform with them?

Spider: They don't even understand their own music . . . of course nobody does, but . . .
John: They don't, they don't even know what they're doing
Spider: No!
John: I've, I've seen 'em a couple of times . . .
Spider: Did . . . did you see their uniforms?
John: Unbelievable!
Monica: Which ones? They, the red ones?
John: All those rhinestones over their rings and things like that
Monica: Do you know what I . . .
John: Gold lamé hoof-covers . . . Unbelievable!

Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star
Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star
Rev. Jeff Ling: Gonna drive my love inside you
etc.
Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth
Senator Hollings: It's outrageous filth
Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with daddy!
etc., etc.
Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star
Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with daddy!
Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star
Rev. Jeff Ling: Come with daddy!
Senator Hollings: Maybe I could make a good rock-star
etc., etc.

Chairman: Sorry. Your time has expired.

A world of secret hungers
Perverting the men who make your laws
Every desire is hidden away
In a drawer in a desk by a Naugahyde chair
On a rug where they walk and drool
Past the girls in the office

Senator Hollings: Rock, rock, Porn Rock!
Senator Hollings: Rock porn
etc.
Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air

Senator Hollings: An' I think your suggestion is a good one. If you print those words, that would go a long way to satisfying everyone's objections, I . . .
FZ: All we have to do is find out how it is going to be paid for.

Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down.
Senator Hawkins:Pyromania. Burn the building! Burn! Burn! Burn! No question. Burn the building! Burn! Burn! Burn!
Senator Trible: The mere announcement of this hearing led to cries of censorship
Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH!
Senator Trible: Not the self-appointed guardians of the national morality, as some would suggest
Senator Hollings: If I could find some way constitutionally to do away with it I would
Senator Hollings: Within the constrictions of free speech
Senator Hollings: Willy nilly over the air
Senator Hawkins: This issue is too hot not to cool down
Senator Hollings: So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used on the Congress to limit this outrageous filth.
Johnny Guitar Watson: YEAH!

Thing-Fish: We'll get back to de wimp and his low-budget conceptium of personal freedom in just a moment. But foist, welcome to: WHAT DE FUCK GWINE ON HERE? (A celebratium o' de American way o' life!)

Senator Hollings: I noticed on the media yesterday morning something about a tax bill. I have looked into that. That does not pertain to this particular hearing, but we do know that the matter of the broadcast airwaves gives more or less, the most limited of protected speech, because the airwaves do belong to the American public. They invade the privacy of the homes. And we do know under the law of pornography that children are given a special protection. I want everyone to know I'm keeping that foremost in mind, and I am asking the best of constitutional minds, if there's some way in the world to try to limit it as we go along with the voluntary labeling. I commend those who are now beginning to label. That's what we would like to have, truth in labeling. I don't think we can outlaw pornography. I do not have that in mind at all. But to take 6 to 7 hours—that's the average listening time, Senator, as I understand, by the youngsters of this particular rock porn and rock music and everything else of that kind. Well, let's say rock music and intersperse it with pornography. This is a matter of national concern, and it's something that we have got to give some kind of attention to within the constrictions of free speech. So, I'll be looking from this Senator's standpoint, not just to bring pressures but to try to see if there is some constitutional provisions to tax, or approach that can be used by the Congress to limit this outrageous filth.

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF
SYSTEMS BEYOND THEIR CONTROL
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE & THE GRAY
DESPAIR OF YOUR UGLY LIFE

Where did Annie go
When she went to town?
Who are all those creeps
That she brings around?

Chairman: Senator Trible.
Senator Trible: I believe this may well be the most important hearing conducted by the Commerce Committee this year. I look forward to working with you and my colleages on this committee, the Parents Music Resource Center, the recording and broadcast industries, and responsible citizens everywhere to come back to respond to this very real problem.

ALL YOUR CHILDREN ARE POOR
UNFORTUNATE VICTIMS OF LIES YOU BELIEVE
A PLAGUE UPON YOUR IGNORANCE THAT KEEPS
THE YOUNG FROM THE TRUTH THEY DESERVE . . .

Chairman: Senator Gore.
Senator Gore: Thank you very much, Mr. Chairman. And I would like to thank you and commend you for calling this hearing. Because my wife has been heavily involved in the evolution of this issue, I have gained quite a bit of familiarity with it, and I have really gained an education in what is involved. I was interested when the hearing was first announced to have the opportunity to ask the heads of the record companies whether or not they felt some responsibility. I am told by staff that every single one of the chief executive officers invited to participate chose to decline that invitation. I fully understand that, but I wanted to note that fact for the record, and I think that they should take a look at what their companies are doing and just ask themselves as human beings whether or not this is the way they want to spend their lives, if this is the way they want to earn a living, if this is the kind of contribution they want to make to the society in which we live. No one is proposing or contemplating the government answering that question for them.

Senator Exon: While I think these hearings should not have been held if we are not considering legislation or regulations at this time, I emphasized earlier that they might follow. I simply want to say to you that I suspect that, unless the industry "cleans up their act"—and I use that in quote words again—there is likely to be legislation. And it seems to me that it would not be too far removed from reality or too offensive to anyone if you could follow the general guidelines, right, wrong, or indifferent, that are now in place with regard to the movie industry.

Senator Hollings: To be perfectly candid with you, I would look for regulations or some kind of legislation, if it could be constitutionally accomplished, unless of course we have these initiatives from the industry itself.

What will you do when the label comes off, And the plastic's all melted,
And the chrome is too soft?

WHO ARE THE BRAIN POLICE?

Chairman: Senator Hawkins, we are delighted to have you here.
Senator Hawkins: I commend you, Mr. Chairman and the committee, for holding this all important hearing. As chairman of the Children, Family, Drugs, and Alcoholism Subcommittee, this is a subject that I am very familiar with. Much has changed since Elvis' seemingly innocent times. Subtleties, suggestions, and innuendo have given way to overt expressions and descriptions of often violent sexual acts, drug taking, and flirtations with the occult. The record album covers to me are self-explanatory. And I'd like to show a sampling . . . Porn Rock. "I— It's My Life," and "I Love Sex" . . . With obviously a lot of fire and chains and . . . other objectionable . . . tools of gratification in some twisted minds. There is no question about the message. And I still hear art is art, and in America artists are supposed to be free to express themselves. And who has the responsibility to answer that question? Parents? The music industry? The Government? I speak as a legislator—I speak as a parent—a veteran who has brought up three children through adolescence. I know the temptations dangled in front of teenagers and I know the frustrations parents experience all through this process. The sense of hopelessness when you get the feeling your child won't listen to you. There is in these times often a need to look to a force outside yourself for help. The question we must ask is, should the force be the Government, and that is what this hearing is designed to determine. I believe it will be helpful before we proceed any further to get an idea of what it is we are talking about. One criticism of the rock industry is the way it portrays values in rock videos which are viewed by the kids, while we are all busy here being legislators. There are suggestions that the move to label rock albums be extended to videos as well. I don't watch much television. I'm not sure how many of my colleagues get much opportunity to watch any of the music video shows now available on cable and free TV. I brought along two videos from which to choose which I believe are representative of the kind of presentations which has caused the furor.

What's the thing that they's talkin' about everywhere?
SEX
When they wanna be suave 'n debonair
SEX

What's poppin' up the most from coast to coast
SEX
At yer bongo party an' yer weenie roast
SEX

Do ya do or don't ya don't
SEX
Bet yer lyin' if ya say ya won't

Some girls try it 'n go on a diet
Then they worry 'cause they's too fat
Who wants t'ride on an ironin' board?
That ain't no fun . . . I tried me one

Grow that meat all over yer bones
Work the wall with the local jones
'N while you do it, remember this line
The Sniffer says it all the time

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . "

Makes no difference if yer young or old
SEX
Don't you act like it's made of gold
SEX

Ladies they need it just like the guys
SEX
Maybe you could use a protein surprise
SEX

Any time, anywhere
SEX
Why d'ya think it's growin' there?
SEX

Some girls try it 'n they don't like it
They complain 'cause it don't last
Who wants to ride on a debutante?
They talks too much . . . they moves too fast

Watch the scenery while you ride
You can be very warm inside
'N when the train goes 'round the bend
Check the shrub'ry on the other end

"THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION, THE BETTER THE PUSHIN'
THE BIGGER THE CUSHION . . . "

Senator Hawkins: That video— That video is called—
Chairman: Now— Now, wait a second. Senator Hawkins, just a minute. Now, this is a very large crowd today. We have allowed people in beyond the capacity of this room. We are not going to have any demonstrations. No applause, no demonstrations of any kind.

Thing-Fish: I see some o' y'all be FROWNIN' . . . 'cause mebbe y'think what I's tellin' ya' is a LIE! Am I right? Les' jes' have a test . . . How many o' you nice folks think I knows what I's talkin' 'bout? RAISE Y'HAIN UP! Uh-huh! An' how many thinks my potato been bakin' too long? RAISE YO MIZZABLE HAIN UP! Uh-huh! Now . . . how many you folks is CONVINCED de gubnint be totally 'UNCONCERNED' wit de proliferatium o' UNDESIRABLE TENANTS in de CONDOMINIUM o' LIFE? An' how many folks believe THEY number won't come up, next time de breeze blow fum de Easterly directium? Les' face it, peoples! Ugly as I mights be, I AM YO' FUTCHUM! Ain't that right, SISTER OB'DEWLLA? Hmm hmm! Oh, oh yeah! Thass right!

Chairman: Senator Gorton.
Senator Gorton: Mr. Zappa, I, ah, am astounded at the courtesy and soft-voiced nature of the comments of my friend, the Senator from Tennessee. I can only say that I found your statement to be boorish, ah, incredibly and insensitively insulting to the people that were here previously; that you could manage to give the first amendment of the Constitution of the United States a bad name, if I felt that you had the slightest understanding of it, which I do not. You do not have the slightest understanding of the difference between Government action and private action, and you have certainly destroyed any case you might otherwise have had with this Senator.

We see in the back
Of the City Hall mind
The dream of a girl about thirteen
Off with her clothes and into a bed
Where she tickles his fancy
All night long

Chairman: Mr. Zappa, thank you very much for your testimony.
FZ: Thank you.
Chairman: Next witness is John Denver . . .
Senator Hollings: We haven't got 'em whipped on this one yet. You got a bear by the tail here, uh? Jeezis!

I'm out at last
Boy, the world sure looks different
Wow . . . there's hardly anything fun to do
Since they made music illegal
But I'm hooked
I got the habit
I've got to have it
I need to play
But there's no musicians anymore
They're all gone
Wait! I've got it!
I'll be sullen and withdrawn
I'll dwindle off into the twilight realm
Of my own secret thoughts
I'll walk through the parking lot
In a semi-catatonic state
And dream of guitar notes
To go with the loading zone announcements.

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

FZ Records & Side Projects

• Understanding America

Notes On This Song

This is a variation on Porn Wars from Frank Zappa Meets The Mothers Of Prevention.

CC Clues In This Song

Interpolates SEX, Bow Tie Daddy, What's The Ugliest Part Of Your Body?, Who Are The Brain Police?, Brown Shoes Don't Make It, He Used To Cut The Grass and It Can't Happen Here.PMRC (The List