Homemade Radio Spot Outtakes
Mark: Okay. Hi e—
FZ: Take 1.
Mark: Take 1. Hi. Hi. Hi everyone is listening. I'm here at the rehearsal hall, uh, The Mothers Of Invention rehearsal hall, along with Don. Don?
Don: Hiya, there . . . gang.
Mark: Don's there, and Ian.
Ian: Hello.
Mark: And Jim.
Jim: Hello.
Mark: And Frank.
FZ: Hiya.
Mark: Howard.
Howard: Hiya.
Mark: Myself, Mark, and Aynsley hasn't come yet. And I'm willing to introduce to you a real good friend, your friend and my, Eddie. And Eddie's gonna do the sell pitch on the album. How about it, Eddie? How good? How can all we pitch it?
Eddie (Howard): Hey . . .
Group:
Eddie, are you kidding
About this Mothers' album . . .
Eddie (Howard): Hiya. Cousin Bruce? Yeah. This is Big Eddie Sincere out here at Warner/Reprise. Yeah. Right on. Honest to God. No shit. Hey, how's it goin', huh? Oh, cool, brother. Hey, listen. You've got that new album I sent ya? The white one? Yeah, the funny looking one with the pencil front? Yeah. Any action on it? Listen, I really think it needs a shot. I mean, these are brothers, you know? They're kids that, that worked their way up from the streets, just like you and I did. Besides I think we've got a hit on that album, I think "The Mud Shark" is, you know, I think it's Top 40. I think it's a record, I think you should run it up the flag pole. I think we can run with it, you know what I mean? Hey, well right on, cousin. Okay. Outa sight. Uptight. Okay. Good night.
Group:
Eddie, are you kidding
About this Mothers' album . . .
Eddie (Howard): Ring ring! Ring ring ring!
Mark: Hey, Eddie! Eddie! Eddie! We got airplay in Cleveland the new Mothers' album.
Eddie (Howard): We got airplay in Cleveland the new—
Mark: We got airplay in Cleveland, we got airplay in Detroit.
Eddie (Howard): Call Cleveland.
Mark: Call Detroit.
Eddie (Howard): You. Give me the phone.
Mark: Okay.
Eddie (Howard): Give me Detroit. Give me Cleveland. Hello. Hello. This The Geator with the Heater? Yeah, yeah. This is Eddie Sincere. Hey, Geator, what's shakin'? Hey, cool, baby. Hey all right. Hey, I hear we're getting some action on the new Mothers' record. Hey, dynamite, baby. I knew you could do it. Hey, how's The Mud Shark doing? Kids are bopping to it, right? They're greasing to it, right? 85 on Bandstand pick this week, huh?
Mark: Hey, Eddie! Eddie!
Eddie (Howard): Danceable, huh?
Mark: Hey, Eddie!
Eddie (Howard): Yeah.
Mark: Cousin Brucie just went on "The Mud Shark"!
Eddie (Howard): Cousin Brucie just went just—? Oh, give me Cousin Brucie. Hello, Brucie, baby? Right on, sweetheart, cool, brother. Hey, our brothers made it, huh? The record's happening, huh? Beautiful, Cousin. Hey, beautiful. I'll get right back to you. Hey, fantastic. Fantastic. Anywhere else in the country happening? Let me see that board.
Mark: Chicago!
Jim: Peoria!
Eddie (Howard): Peoria.
Jim: Peoria.
Eddie (Howard): Give me Peoria. Hello, Cousin Schleppy? Hi, Cousin Schleppy. This is, this is— Yes. No, it's not him at all. This is Eddie Sincere. No, I'm calling for Frank. Hey, I really appreciate you guys going on the record. Hey, can I buy you dinner when you come to town this week? Fantastic. I've got this great little intimate place. French cuisine but cheap, you know? I can put it on the card, it's quite okay. Come right over, I'll give you crepe suzettes until you can't— Fantastic. Anywhere else in the country? I'll get back to you. Anywhere else in the country [...]?
Mark: Les Carter [...] played the Mothers' new album!
Eddie (Howard): Les Carter? Give me Les Carter. Hello, Les. Oh, fantastic. Beautiful, man. I heard you're playing the record. You're a brother of mine. I swear to God, man, that's just fantastic. I can't thank you enough because you're really breaking the product here in L.A. And it really needs it, I mean, you know, we're trying to get rid of these white records and the kids are just trying their hardest, man. They're willing to do anything. Got a little pa— party scheduled next week, we'd like you to come along and bring the little woman. Gonna be little canapes, gonna be little snail things, gonna have a little egg thing on the fish. It's gonna be fantastic. We want you to come and bring along your friends. Yes, all on us. Yeah, the Warner Bros. people are springing forward and it's really beautiful. And now friends, after all of this hype, it's time now to just settle down and think about your honest business at hand and to forget all of the bullshit we've been laying on you for these many minutes and to sort of sing seriously the hymn of the sale people here at Warner/Reprise . . .
FZ: The Mothers Of Invention Radio Hype!
Group:
Eddie, are you kidding
About this Mothers' album . . .
Eddie (Howard): "Where can I go to get the Mothers' Fillmore East—June 1971?" Who cares! Ha ha ha ha ha. Listen to me. My friends say, "Eddie, are you kidding?" Now, folks, I am not kidding. This album does not contain James Taylor, Joni Mitchell, Neil Young, Alice Cooper, Ry Cooder, Van Dyke Parks, Van Morrison, Black Sabbath, Jerry Garcia, Little Feat, Captain Beefheart, T-Rex, The Doobie Brothers, Mother Earth, Rod Stewart, or Dee! And I am not kidding. Someone asked me, someone asked me, "Listen, Eddie, Eddie, listen, I read the Circular. You guys, The Mothers are never mentioned in the Circular! Always talking about Joni Mitchell, and Neil Young, and Alice Cooper, and Ry Cooder, and Black Sabbath, and Jerry Garcia, and Little Feat, and The Doobie Brothers, a whole lot of Doobie Brothers, and Mother Earth, you know? All you ever see about The Mothers is that they're playing in some [towering] in some place." Now, Dee, we know all this, Dee's got a hot line phone number, and she listens, she knows what those guys are talking about. You guys never talk about The Mothers. Dee asked me, "Eddie, listen, I was listening to the hot line today—Herbie always makes me listen to the hot line—why doesn't anybody ever say anything about The Mothers new album, Fillmore East—June 1971, Bizarre/Reprise 2024?" She said to me, "Eddie, how do you feel about these Mothers?" And I'll tell you something, friends, I am not kidding. When I first heard about these Mothers I just didn't know. I, I just wasn't sure. I just didn't care and, and I am not kidding. But now, our Warner Bros. warehouses on both coasts are overflowing with what I assure you is the latest and greatest, the largest and finest selection of portlies, longs, extra longs and cadets in this country. My friends ask me, "Eddie, how can you sell $129.35 worth of music on this new Mothers' album from a mere 3.98?" Well I'll tell you something, friends, you can't. It's impossible. But I can guarantee you this, friends, each and every cover is double-knit shrink wrap and in living color and hand drawn by Cal Schenkel. You sales men, you guys out there know, a cover such as this is ugly but it's cheap. Now I could tell you this album contains, whoa, Joe Boyd, Lenny Waronker, Stan Cornyn and Genie, all those heavies, but, that would be like asking Ian Anderson to play the flute with both feet on the ground at the same time.
Mark?: Hah hah hah hah!
Eddie (Howard): But I am not kidding. I am never kidding about Ian Anderson. My friends say, "Eddie, why ever they're able to get this album played on the radio?" And I'll tell you, friends . . .
Group:
Amen!
