TV Hype (Commercial Session Outtake)
FZ:
Ladies and gentlemen, this is The Mothers Of Invention. I'm Frank and here's Jim. Say hello, Jim.
Jim:
Hello, people. How're you.
FZ:
And this is Howard.
Howard:
Hi.
FZ:
Say hello again, Jim, that wasn't very . . .
Jim:
Hello, everybody out there.
FZ:
Okay.
Mark:
Hot beats.
FZ:
Heh heh heh. This is Howard.
Howard:
Hi, there.
FZ:
This is Mark.
Mark:
Hello.
FZ:
Okay, here's the deal. We have this movie that we just finished called 200 Motels.
Howard:
Right.
Mark & Howard:
Mmmmh . . .
Mark:
Boy, is it neat, too.
FZ:
All right, listen, this movie is uh, well, it was a little bit weird for the people at United Artists when they first saw it, I mean, it was a little hard to uh, explain exactly what was going on when they went in and uh, saw it for the first time. What I'm trying to say is they ran out of the screening room just before we've got our budget to prepare the advertising campaign for this film.
Howard:
It left us a little short, folks, and with red cheeks.
FZ:
Oh, hah hah, listen, it's really not that bad. We have a lavish advertising budget . . .
Howard:
Mmm . . .
FZ:
To spend on this film. And we're spending it wisely. We know that you out there in radioland also watch television and you wanna get a little glimpse of what this film is all about. So we have spared no expense in preparing for you the most fantastic television commercial in the best possible prime time slot. And we want you all to watch it because we only get a chance to show it once this week. And if you'll all pay close attention the disc jockey on this station will tell you what time it's going to be on, what channel it's going to be on and I want you all to watch this 200 Motels television commercial.
Howard:
Yay.
FZ:
Okay. Now do it again. Now you say the same thing.
Howard:
Huh?
FZ:
Or a variation thereof. Now you give the message.
Howard:
Oh, me?
FZ:
Yeah.
Howard:
Hi. Hi, there. Hi. We're The Mothers Of Invention. I'm Howard.
Jim:
I'm Jim. Hi, everyone.
Mark:
I'm Mark. Hi, Jim.
FZ:
I'm Ian and Aynsley and Don Preston and also Frank.
Howard:
Yeah. And we just uh, we just filmed this incredible motion picture and I, I personally, now, honestly am not being involved at all, have to recommend it, I mean, not just to you but all the members of your family and your close friends . . . Oh.
FZ:
Not only that, all the people who were on the Medicine Bell Caravan. They should watch it.
Jim:
Especially them.
Howard:
Everybody should watch it because it's of social import . . .
Group:
[laughs]
Howard:
It's of social import and the film just hits home, what can I say? The thing is that we really went over budget, I mean, the film was so lavish you can't believe it, the star-studded cast, the incredible costumes . . .
Mark:
Who's in the movie?
Howard:
Oh, The Mothers Of Invention, for a starter.
Mark:
Theodore Bikel.
Howard:
Yeah.
Jim:
Ringo Starr.
Howard:
Keith Mooooon!
FZ:
Hot beats!
Mark:
Yeah.
Howard:
Mystery . . . Ah-oohs, all that stuff. The movie's great. But we ran over budget and United Artists only gave us a mere penance so we said, "Well, we can either schlep and have a rancid commercial on nine times a week or just go all out and open our wallets to the world and say, 'This is what we can do' and only had enough money to air it once." But sparing no expense, we've gone ahead and done just that. And your local announcer, right here on your very own teen-age station will now tell you all the rancid details.
Hi. We're The Mothers Of Invention. We just did this movie, now you can't believe it, this is a cool movie.
Group:
Two . . . Hundred Motels
Two . . . Hundred Motels . . .
Howard:
It's called 200 Motels, that's right, and it's a United Artists release starring The Mothers Of Invention, Theodore Bikel and Ringo Starr. Frank Zappa did the whole thing and it's really cool. It's far out and funny. Lavish costumes. You can't even believe it. A lot of dancers. There's even some naked things, you know, but it's nothing that you couldn't take your classmates to see or your mom and dad. They'd really get off beyond their wildest dreams. Listen, a funny thing happened. We spent so much money schlepping our hearts out, trying to make this movie a sincere and valuable audience-entertainer relationship kind of an experience, like Esalen Institute, you know, that we just haven't any bread left for a big television campaign. So I wanna tell you, we've booked one commercial this week on your local television station, and it's prime time, folks, this is when all of you are gathered around the tube watching. We know you'll be there, but just to remind you, The Mothers snappy lavish 200 Motels commercial will be on the station at the time that your local DJ guy will tell you right now. Take it away, local DJ guy.
Group:
Two . . . Hundred Motels
(Two Hundred Motels)
Two . . . Hundred Motels
(Two Hundred Motels) . . .
Howard:
Hi! I'm Eddie Sincere for The Mothers Of Invention. Now these hardworking lads have just come back from London, yes, where they have spared no expense to film a movie for you and your whole family called 200 Motels. That's right, Frank Zappa's 200 Motels with The Mothers Of Invention, Theodore Bikel and Ringo Starr. Mystery. Hot beats. Romance. Ah-ooh. You're gonna love it to death. Now, ladies and gentlemen, The Mothers came back to town and they said, "Are you kidding? We've spent over budget! We can't even afford a television commercial now." But the brilliant people at United Artists have said, "Listen, you guys, here's a budget. Run with it!" So we've got one lavish commercial that we're gonna sock to you and here's your local DJ guy to tell you just when and where it'll be socked to you.
Group:
Two . . . Hundred Motels . . .
Howard:
Hi. We're The Mothers Of Invention. We've just made this movie, you know. It's called 200 Motels. It's pretty far out. Frank Zappa, you know. The guy's a little weird. But it's got The Mothers Of Invention in it, and Theodore Bikel, Ringo Starr, a lot of groupies, oh, yeah, Keith Moon, the Royal Philharmonic, singers and dancers, lavish costuming, I mean, we went out on a limb for you, folks. 'Cause we really believe the artist and the entertainer share something so valuable with each other that it's a, it's almost a religious, what can I say, Siddhartha, you know? So, we came back to town and we said, "Let's blow the rest of the budget and really make a snazzy commercial for these people that they can watch on the television." The first Mothers Of Invention television commercial. And it's coming to your neighborhood, boys and girls. It's gonna be socked to your very eyes and ears on your own color tube! You can get out of it! You can have a beer in your hand and your undershirt on. Have the little lady fix you up a can of beans, you know what I mean? Put your feet up and pet the dog, and get out your straights and sit there and wait for it, ladies and gentlemen, because, here it comes! Here it comes! See it coming! See it coming! Your local DJ guy is gonna tell you right now where and when to glue your eyes to the boob tube for the mystery Mothers commercial. Take it away!
