Do You Like My New Car?

Lyrics

Howard Kaylan: (imitates car revving sound)

Mark Volman:You are... you gotta tell me something... I mean, seriously, I'm tellin you this is the first time that any of my girlfriends and I have ever met anybody really from Hollywood! I mean, really my girlfriend Jim, and Ian, and Aynsley, and Bob, and Frank... I mean, none of us...

Howard: Pleased to meet you...

Frank: Hi Howie

Mark: We never met a pop star from Hollywood... tell me something: have you ever met Davey Jones? or Bobby Sherman?

Howard: No.. no, I ..

Mark: I mean... David Cassidy, he's so...

Howard: Jimmy Greenspoon, once I...

Mark: Three Dog Night? !!

Howard: Yeah...

Mark: Oh! I love them! they're my favorite band!.. ow gawd.. oh, do you like my new car? I mean... my dad just gave it to me for graduation..

Howard: Ah yeaah? !! its a ... its a Fillmore, isnt it? Real futuristic, ah.. I dig the fins... listen: do you know how to get to the ah Hollywood Inn from here?

Mark: No, ah.. which one is it?

Howard: (burp) Excuse me. It's the one by the airport... you know... 'cause we gotta get up early and.. fly outta here in the morning, y'know...

Mark: Oh, I didn't know that... where do you guys play tomorrow night? I mean, I'd like to come maybe... in your bus or somethin'...

Howard: Yeah? ..

(voice in background):
In the bus!

Howard: Come in the bus, huh? ... tomorrow were in ah, lets see... Tierra Del Fuego...

Mark: Oh! You're so professional, Howie!

Howard: Oh, its not... its nothing...

Mark: Howie, I mean, the way you gettin tp-tp to play, an all these exotic places, I mean...

Howard: Yeah

Mark: Tell me something.. tell me and my girl-... tell me: do you really have a hit record... on the charts now? ... with a bullet? ... I mean thats really important to me...

Howard: Listen, honey: would I lie to you just to get in your pants?

Mark: H-HEY! listen! hey, listen to me tellin ya: we are not groupies!

Naw, I never.. I never said...

We are not groupies! you better understand that!.. I told Robert Plant, I told Elton John, I told all those big guys...

Robert Plant? !

We are not groupies!

No, I never..

Roger Daltrey never laid a hand on me!

Yaw.. its obvious to see why... listen, I never...

(2nd non-groupie):
Howie..

(1st non-groupie):
Tell him! tell him right now!

(2nd non-groupie):
Jim Pons: We only like musicians for f-friends. you know?

(voices in back):
Real straight arrow, Howie, really... just for friends, Howie...

(2nd non-groupie):
But we still like you yeah.. we wouldnt mind coming in your bus, but..

(2nd non-groupie):
I mean, we still want to hear your record...

Howard: Listen you chicks!now didn .. didnt you just say that you got off bein juked with a baby octopus and spewed upon with cream corn? an that your hair-lipped dyke-o bass-playing girlfriend on the back seat had to have it with a yoo-hoo bottle or she went apeshit? !..

Ooooh..

Howard: Whats the deal, baby? come on..

Mark: Howie! howie, listen yo me... all thats true..

Come across..

Mark: All that's true, and sometimes I even dig it with a doctor browns cream soda... or a cel-ray!... but! we are not groupies! no matter what you think...

Howard: No, I never...

Mark: We are not groupies..

Howard: You see, there seems to be some kind of a communication problem, honey... because i... I am a lonely guy from outta town, yknow an... an I want some action... what Im talkin about is, I wan A-a-steaming... succulent... ever-widening, gooey, drippy, runny kind of a hole with a... with... how shall I put this... what say we hop in the trunk of your Gremlin an get our rocks off...

Mark: Hey! hey-hey-hey-heyyyy.... jesus!...

(voice in back):
Mark: I'm in this band, man...

(voice up front):
Frank: Very agile, Howie, very agile...

(voice in back):
Mark: I am in this band no matter what we do up here... its all...

Mark: Now listen! it just so happened... tonight me and my girlfriends, I mean, weve all come here for one thing tonight...

Howard: Yeah?

Mark: Looking for a guy... and were looking for a guy from a group

Howard: Wow

Mark: But hes gotta have a dick!

Howard: Waaah!

Mark: And he's gotta have a dick that's a monster!!

Howard: Waaaaaaaah!... thats me!! thats me! ooh! ... oooohh, you voluptuous Manhattan Island clit.. take me... Im yours, you hole... fulfill my... wildest... dreams!....

Mark: Ooooh! anything for you, my most seductive, seclusive... pop star of a man... picture this if you can: bead jobs! knotted nylons! bamboo canes! three unreleased recordings of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young fighting in the dressing-room of the Fillmore East! why, an enchilada wrapped with pickle sauce shook up and down in between a donkeys legs until he cant it stand anymore! all this and Howie! including! an electric cooled pony harness, with fuel injection... fuel injection... fuel injection...

Howard: Oooh! my god, I ... I ... I cant stand it!... I mean... I mean, do you understand the implications of what Im saying? I cant stand it!!! I cant stand it !! I cant stand it!! oh no!!... oh God... Im going home! Im gonna see my baby... (etc) I really cant stand it... please... give it to me... give it to me right here in the trunk of your Gremlin.. give me... give me the enchilada wrapped with the pickle sauce shoved up between a donkeys ass until he cant come anymore!...

Mark: Hey-hey! haha! not until you sing me your big hit record!... and I want to hear the big hit record, and I wanna hear it now, an I wanna hear the big hit record now with a bullet! with a bullet!

Howard: The bullet?

Mark: The bullet! the bullet! its the part that gets me the hottest... hehe!.. now sing me that record, and I wanna hear it right now or you aint driving nowhere tonight, buddy...

Howard: Well, I know when I'm licked... all over.... okay, baby: bend over and spread em!... here comes my... bullet!!

(all sing Happy Together)

Players On This Song

Frank Zappa (guitar, dialog)
Mark Volman (lead vocals, dialog)
Howard Kaylan (lead vocals, dialog)
Ian Underwood (woodwinds, keyboards, vocals)
Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
Jim Pons (bass, vocals, dialog)
Bob Harris(keyboards, vocals)
Don Preston (mini-moog)

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

Zappa Albums

• Fillmore East, June 1971
• You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 1 as The Groupie Routine

Tributes & Cover Albums

• Flo & Eddie: An Evening In Detroit

Notes About This Song

Mark Volman and Howard Kaylan ("Mark & Howie") were both members of The Turtles, well known for their hit song Happy Together (1967).

Davy Jones, Bobby Sherman, and David Cassidy were all Teen Idols at the time. Jimmy Greenspoon was a hardly-notable member of the popular band Three Dog Night, who performed with them on Organ, so he's the brunt of this joke.

CC Clues In This Song

• Mentions Cars.
• The baby octopus references The Mud Shark
• "The dick is a monster" references Bwana Dik
• "It's a Fillmore, isn't it?" refers to the Fillmore East theater, New York, NY where the album was recorded.
• "COME on the BUS" is a theme that reappeared on Joe's Garage