Another M.O.I. Anti-Smut Loyalty Oath
FZ: Alright. We have another special thing we have to do before we begin our program.
Mark: Right hands up. Right hands up.
FZ: It's a little problem that we run into every time we play in a socially retarded area . . .
Mark: Right hands up. Take the pledge.
FZ: Basically what it amounts to is this—Some people have the wrong idea about what our musical ensemble is all about, you know, they have these crazed fantasies about what we're gonna do when we get on stage, you see? And Florida being the great place that it is . . . had quite a few of these fantasies and, you know, they're disturbing enough that some promoters and uh, important people down here deemed it necessary to put special clauses into our contracts that would preclude anything that would fall under the classification of obscenity or weirdness on stage, so to prove that our heart is in the right place we're gonna take a loyalty oath now on stage, swear before you. Everybody in the band, raise your right hand! . . . I hereby, no— "I," then you say your name . . .
I
(I, Mark Volman)
Do hereby solemnly swear
(Do hereby solemnly swear)
In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida
(In accordance with the laws of the great state of Florida)
And the demands of rednecks everywhere
(And the demands of rednecks everywhere)
Do hereby solemnly
(Do hereby solemnly)
Agree
(Agree)
Under no circumstances whatsoever
(Under no circumstances whatsoever)
Outside of a private showing in a hotel someplace
(Outside . . . Call me later!)
I hereby swear I will not whip out my tool
(Tool)
Bulge
(Bulge)
Rod
(Rod)
Throbber
(Throbber)
Penis
(Penis)
Or any other name that you wanna call
(Or any other name . . . Right on!)
[...] that piece of meat that hangs between your legs
(Right)
Here in Florida or any other place
(Yeah!)
In the rock & roll industry
(Yeah!)
So help me God
(So help me God)
Jim Morrison
Richard Nixon
(Thank you!)
As we . . .
(Take it over!)
