Eddie, Are You Kidding?

Lyrics

Eddie, are you kidding?
I've seen you on my TV
Eddie, are you kidding?
The people always ask me
I saw your double knits
I thought they were the pits
You threw it in a bag
And then you sent me home--
What!?
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

Eddie, are you teasing
About your rancid garments?
Eddie, are you teasing
About your sixty tailors?
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit--
Oh
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!

Howard: Eddie, my friends ask me, Eddie, Eddie, are you kidding? I wanna tell you something, my friends: I am not kidding. Here at Zachary All we have sixty tailors in the back room. We have the west's largest selections of portly's, regulars, longs, extra longs, and cadets. And my friends say to me: Eddie, Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
Mark: Eddie, what do you think of the new Double Knits?
Howard: And I tell them: I'll tell you something frankly, my friends-- When the new double knits first came out, I was not impressed. But as you can see, these pants I'm wearing are double knit. They stretch in all the right places. They're the most comfortable. Our model Twiggy here will demonstrate. I have this lovely little Seersucker . . . wait a minute

WHERE CAN I GO IN GARDENA?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN L.A.?
AND WHERE CAN I GO IN ROSEMONT?
I NEED SOME THREADS TODAY

I need the knits
The double knits
I need the knits
They are the pits
I need the knits
The double knits
I'm coming over shortly
Because I am a portly
You promised you could fit me
In a fifty dollar suit--
Whew!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding?
No, no!
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?
Eddie, are you kidding me?

Howard: No, my friends, I'm not kidding, right here on the miracle mile we have the west's largest selections of . . .

Portly,
Regular,
Cadet,
Tall,
And long

Howard: And not only that-- My brother Jake and Little Emil, and . . .

Sixty tailors!

Players On This Song

JUST ANOTHER BAND FROM L.A. version

• Frank Zappa (guitar & vocals)
• Mark Volman (lead vocals)
• Howard Kaylan (lead vocals)
• Ian Underwood (winds, keyboards, vocals)
• Aynsley Dunbar (drums)
• Don Preston (keyboards, mini-moog)
• Jim Pons (bass, vocals)

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

FZ Albums & Side Projects

• Just Another Band From L.A.

CC Clues In This Song

Edward G. Nalbandian (December 29, 1927 – February 22, 2006) was the owner of Zachary All Clothing, a store he opened in the 1950s at 5467 Wilshire Boulevard (just west of La Brea Avenue) in Los Angeles, California. The store was located in the Miracle Mile shopping district of Wilshire Blvd.

In the 1950s and 1960s, Nalbandian became a minor celebrity, making frequent appearances in commercials for his store and even on talk shows such as The Tom Duggan Show. Most of these commercials featured the line "Come on down to 5-4-6-7 Wilshire Boulevard". In one commercial, Nalbandian said of his low prices, "My friends all ask me, 'Eddie, are you kidding?' And I tell them no, my friend, I am not kidding." This inspired the Frank Zappa song Eddie, Are You Kidding? from the album Just Another Band from L.A. (1972), as well as Mark Volman's monologue to the audience in the track Once Upon a Time from the album You Can't Do That on Stage Anymore, Vol. 1 (1988).

Sorensen, Susan (March 1, 2002). "New on Miracle Mile". Larchmont Chronicle. Jane Gilman. Retrieved December 19, 2009.