Scene 3: "What's The Deal?"
Theodore Bikel:
Hi, Larry, it's good to have you back on our panel.
Larry The Dwarf (Ringo Starr):
Hi, Dave, it's really great to be back on your panel.
Theodore Bikel:
I'm sure the people at home would be interested to know why such a large dwarf as you is all dressed up like Frank Zappa. Tell us, Larry, eh . . . what's the deal?
Larry The Dwarf:
He made me do it, Dave. He's such a creep. He's making me hold this Aladdin.
Theodore Bikel:
And why is he making you do that, Larry?
Larry The Dwarf:
He wants me to fuck the girl with the harp.
Theodore Bikel:
He wants you to fuck the girl . . . with the harp?
Larry The Dwarf:
No, no, with the magic lamp. He wants me to stuff it up her and rub it. Hm. Hm-hm-hm. Ho-ho-ho, ha-ha. A-HA-HA-HA-HO-HO.
Theodore Bikel:
Let's ask our studio audience. If you'd just been lowered down here on TV by a wire connected to a brown leather harness, forced by a crazy person to insert a mysterious imported lamp into the reproductive-rep-rep-rep into-into the rep-rep-reproductive orifice of a lady harpist and you were a dwarf . . . would you do it?
Larry The Dwarf:
YES!!!
Chorus:
Yay!
Theodore Bikel:
Let's spin The Big Wheel, Larry! Go ahead, give it a whirl!
Voice Over (FZ):
What our studio audience doesn't know is that the reason Larry the Dwarf is doing all this stuff is because it's all part of the score to 200 Motels. Every word, every action. The lamp. The reproductive orifice. It's all in the score, so he has to do it. This whole event is a fantasy that occurred touring on the road. Touring can make you crazy, ladies and gentlemen. That is precisely what 200 Motels is all about.
