A Token Of My Extreme

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Lyrics

Act II

SCENE NINE
A TOKEN OF MY EXTREME

(Arriving at L. Ron Hoover's modernistic office / cathedral / ware-house / condominium complex, Joe is greeted by a pre-recorded message and a dramatically illuminated image on a wall-sized TV screen.)

L. RON HOOVER:
Welcome to the First Church of Appliantology!
The WHITE ZONE is for loading and unloading only!

JOE:
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you be tarot-fied
It's just a token of my extreme
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don t wanna know what they have seen
Don't you never try to look behind my eyes
You don't wanna know what they have seen

(JOE thinks to himself.)

JOE:
Some people think
That if they go too far
They'll never get back
To where the rest of them are
I might be crazy
But there's one thing I know
You might be surprised
At what you find when ya go!

(And thus, having rationalized his expedition to L. Ron's modernistic office / cathedral / warehouse / condominium complex, JOE seeks the answer to his problem.)

JOE:
Oh oh oh, Mystical Advisor
What is my problem, tell me, can you see?

L. RON HOOVER:
Well, you have nothing to fear, my son!
You are a Latent Appliance Fetishist, It appears to me!

JOE:
That all seems very, very strange
I never craved a toaster or a color T. V.

L. RON HOOVER:
A Latent Appliance Fetishist is a person who refuses to admit to his or herself
That sexual gratification can only be achieved through the use of MACHINES...
Get the picture?

JOE:
Are you telling me
I should come out of the closet now Mr. Ron?

L. RON HOOVER:
No, my son! You must go into THE CLOSET
And you will have a lot of fun!
That's where they all live
So if you want an appliance to love you
You'll have to go in there n' get you one

JOE:
Well...that seems simple enough...

L. RON HOOVER:
Yes, but if you want a really GOOD one,
You'll have to learn a foreign language...

JOE:
German, for instance?

L. RON HOOVER:
That's right,
A lot of really cute ones come from over there!
(Fifty bucks, please)

(And a cheerful group of Appliantologists dance into the room wearing aluminum foil lab smocks, lock arms in a circle around JOE, making sure he pays in full, all the while singing with L. RON as he delivers his final instructions.)

APPLIANTOLOGISTS:
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?
If you been mod-O-fied,
It's an illusion an yer in between
Don't you be tarot-fied,
It's just a lot of nothin' so what can it mean?

(JOE leaves the First Church of Appliantology and sets out to try L. RON's expensive advice.)

CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER... Joe has just learned to speak German now, get this, heres why he did it! He's gonna go to this club on the other side of town, it's called THE CLOSET... And they got these appliances in there that really go for a guy dressed up like a housewife who can speak German (you know what I mean)... so Joe's learned how to speak German, he goes in this place and he sees these little Kitchen Machineries dancing around with each other, and he sees this one...that looks like it's a cross between an industrial vacuum cleaner and a chrome piggy bank with marital aids stuck all over its body... it's really exciting...and when he sees it, he BURSTS INTO SONG...

Players On This Song

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

Notes About This Song

  • The title is a pun on the expression "a token of my esteem".
  • The line "Don't you be tarot-fied" is a pun on tarot and "terrified," and an attack on pseudo-mystical nonsense. Compare Cosmik Debris.

CC Clues In This Song

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