Scene 90: Biff Debris & Jeff
Don:
Oh, wow, what a night. What's the matter, didn't you get any action tonight?
Jeff (Martin):
Didn't you use to be with The Mothers?
Don:
Yeah.
Jeff (Martin):
This what you do now?
Don:
I've got my own group too. I don't mind being in this movie. I get a chance to transform a few times, drink these vile foamy liquids.
Jeff (Martin):
What kind of a life is that?
Don:
It's not that bad! Really! I like to be a monster every once in a while!
Jeff (Martin):
No one'll ever take you seriously after this.
Don:
Why, because I transform? I like to be a monster! There's a little monster in every one of us.
Jeff (Martin):
You'll probably stay here for the rest of your life with your fake potions and your twisted monster face. You coulda been something in rock & roll.
Don:
I tried to get a hit single. It drove me to drink.
Jeff (Martin):
Go on, laugh about it! You coulda been a star! You coulda spread your aura across vast continental areas, your name on millions of small hot lips whispering under secure pink blankets in the lonely midnight dark. But, what do you do? You join The Mothers and you end up working for Zappa! And he makes you be a creep! You could have played the blues with John Mayall or far-out exciting jazz with Blood, Sweat & Tears.
Don:
You really think so?
Jeff (Martin):
Look, no one'll ever take you seriously after this. How can they take you seriously? In this business you either gotta play the blues or sing with a high voice.
Don:
You're right. I never should have joined The Mothers. Why, I could be a star now! Oh . . . When I think of all those millions of . . .
Jeff (Martin):
Hey.
Don:
Hot pink juicy little . . .
Jeff (Martin):
Hey. Listen, do you know where I can uh, get any dope in this imaginary town?
Don:
Man, there's no dope in this town. Just these vile foamy liquids.
Jeff (Martin):
They're fake, aren't they?
Don:
No, they're real! I mix them myself at home, and then I bring them in the morning . . . secret spiritual formulas . . .
Jeff (Martin):
Ew, what's a secret spiritual formula?
Don:
The stuff that goes in the elixir or potion, whatever I mix is irrelevant to the result.
Jeff (Martin):
You mean they're fake potions, right?
Don:
Look, it doesn't matter what's in the mix. It's the liquid! The concept of the liquid is enough to trigger a special cosmic aware state. It's because I'm so spiritually evolved.
Jeff (Martin):
Oh, listen, I just wanna get out of it and go back to me fake motel room and play the blues, you know. Fuck your spiritual evolvement. Anyway, what happens if a new and exciting blues talent such as meself drinks your stuff?
Don:
Here. Take this back to your fake room. Drink it.
Jeff (Martin):
I'd feel a lot happier if there was something I could smoke.
Don:
Well, here. Dip this in it. Now, let it dry out. That ought to get you a little high. Or something.
Jeff (Martin):
Ew, I can't take you seriously.
Don:
Look, you might as well take this too.
Jeff (Martin):
I know it's only fake stuff. So listen, we should get together sometime. Have a jam. Hey, play some blues. Extensions! Work out some extended blues licks. White people can play the blues, you know.
Don:
Paul! . . . Oh. Frank! . . . Yeah, I gave it to him . . . Yeah, he went back to the special room . . . No, no. He's gonna smoke it . . . Yeah, right . . . Hey, listen. You got any idea when we're gonna get paid for this?
