Dong Work For Yuda
Lyrics
Act II
SCENE TWELVE
DONG WORK FOR YUDA
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
Hello there, this is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER. Joe was sent to a special prison where they keep all the other criminals from the music business; you know, the ones who get caught. It's a horrible place, painted all green on the inside, where musicians and former executives take turns snorting detergent and plooking each other...
(As the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER chuckles to himself for a moment, FATHER RILEY, who became BUDDY JONES, steps into view in his new identity: FATHER RILEY B. JONES, Prison Chaplain, who, in a rather heavy-handed piece of imagery, is now entrusted with the job of singing this song as he assists the captured executives in their quest for new meat to plook, and, once having found these victims for the princes of the industry, trades them little blobs of sanctified lubricant jelly for cigarettes and candy bars while he holds them down so the execs won't have to work too hard when they stick it in.)
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
Anyway, while he's in there he meets this guy who used to be a promo man for a major record company: Bald-Headed John[1], King of the Plookers.
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
This is the story 'bout Bald-Headed John
(Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong)
He talks a lot 'n it's usually wrong
(Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong)
He said Dong was Wong,
'N Wong was Kong
'N Dong work for Yuda,
'N John was wrong
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
(Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong)
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
He said Dong was Wong
And Wong was Kong
And Dong was Gong
'N John was wrong
John's got a sausage, yeah man!
John's got a sausage, yeah man!
John's got a sausage that will make you fart
John's got a sausage that will break your heart
Make you fart and break your heart
Don't bend over if you are smart
He took a little walk to the weenie stand
(John's got a sausage, yeah man!)
A great big weenie in both his hands
(John's got a sausage, yeah man!)
He sucked on the end
'Til the mustard squirt
He said “Ya'll stand back
'Cause you might get hurt!”
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
(Dong work for Yuda, Dong, Dong)
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
He said Dong was Wong
And Wong was Kong
And Dong was Gong
'N John was wrong
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Make way for the iron shaschige!
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
I need a dozen towels so the boys can take a shower
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Bartender, bring me a colada and milk
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
On second thought, make that a water: H-T-O!
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Falcum... take me to the falcum![2]
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
I wave my bags, did you wave vour'n?
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Well how much did they wave?
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Ah'm almost two kilometers tall
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
This girl must be praketing richcraft
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Don't worry about the faggot, I'll take care of the faggot
FATHER RILEY B. JONES & EXECS:
Sorry, John, sorry, better try it again
Try it again, try it again, try, try, try again...
BALD-HEADED JOHN:
Your Pomona is very extinct. Yeah, I studied with the Dong of Tokyo 'n also with the oriental Kato. My body contain uh water. I just loves the way these Copenhagens talks! Driver, McDoodle. Sausage, Salima, Salami. That looks like that stuff that Freckles[3] lets out Once a month.
(Eventually FATHER RILEY B. JONES gets around to JOE with his little case of pre-blessed unguents.)
This is the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER. Poor Joe, he’s getting tired of bending over. But we tried to warn him... didn't we? Okay, Joe, you asked for it: here comes the Big One!
Players On This Song
The Musicians:
Frank Zappa -lead guitar, vocals
Warren Cuccurullo —rhythm guitar, vocals
Denny Walley —slide guitar, vocals
Ike Willis —lead vocals
Peter Wolf —keyboards
Arthur Barrow —bass, vocals
Ed Mann —percussion
Vinnie Colaiuta —drums, optometric abandon
Patrick O’Hearn —bass on Outside Now
The Cast:
Frank Zappa - Central Scrutinizer, L. Ron Hoover, Father Riley B. Jones
Ike Willis - Joe
Warren Cuccurullo & Ed Mann - Sy Borg
Terry Bozzio - Bald-Headed John
Dale Bozzio - Mary
Denny Walley - Mrs. Borg
Al Malkin, Warren Cuccurullo, Dale Bozzio, Geordie Hormel, Barbara Issak & most of the people who work at Village Recorders (circa 1979) - The Utility Muffin Research Kitchen Chorus
Records On Which This Song Has Appeared
Singles
FZ Albums & Side Projects
Tribute & Cover Albums
Notes About This Song
- ↑ The song is about John Smothers and his way of speaking English
- ↑ Refers to the mispronunciation of Falkoner Center. Zappa related: "...t's a cab, and the driver is Danish, and he doesn't speak English. I get in the back, and John gets in the front, and the cab driver is just sittin' there, 'cause he doesn't know where to go, and John finally realizes that he must tell the driver where to go, so, he just turns to him, and goes, "FALCUM." and the guy looks at him, y'know, kinda lookin' up like this, and John goes, "FALCUM." ... and the guy DOESN'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON. And then, John gets vehement. He goes, "TAKE ME TO THE FALCUM!" - They're Doing the Interview of the Century, Part 3
- ↑ John Smothers' wife
