The Pleated Gazelle
Frank
ONE NIGHT I COULDN'T GET ANY ACTION AFTER THE CONCERT . . .
I WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL BY MYSELF
I MADE SOME INSTANT COFFEE AND I TOOK OUT THE MUSIC I'D BEEN WORKING ON . . .
A PIECE FOR VOICE AND SMALL ENSEMBLE . . .
IT WAS CALLED: "I HAVE SEEN THE PLEATED GAZELLE"
Narrator
GAZELLE?
Soprano
I HAVE SEEN THE PLEATED GAZELLE
GUHH-ZAY-LL
GUHH-ZILLE
GAH-ZILLE
G' ZEL GUHH G G G G G
Frank
SOME PEOPLE MIGHT WONDER WHY A PERSON MIGHT WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS . . .
Soprano
GUH GUH G G
GAW-ZALE
GUH GUH GOO G G
Frank
IT'S NOT PRETTY AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL
Soprano
GOO-EE-OO
GOO-AH-GOO
GOO-EE
Frank
BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER TO ME WHILE I WAS WRITING IT . . .
I JUST WROTE DOWN WHATEVER CAME TO MIND . . . I FIGURED I'D NEVER GET TO HEAR IT ANYWAY
IT OCCURED TO ME LATER THAT NIGHT, THAT IF (BY SOME CHANCE) THE PLEATED GAZELLE WAS EVER PERFORMED, THE AUDIENCE MIGHT LIKE IT BETTER IF IT HAD A STORY.
SO I MADE UP A STORY . . .
ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A GIRL . . .
SHE ALWAYS WORE A GREEN WOOL OVERCOAT
WITH PLASTIC FISH AND VIENNA SAUSAGES PINNED ON IT . . .
ON THE SHOULDERS
SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH A BOY WHO ALWAYS TREATED HER WRONG
ONE DAY SHE FLIPPED OUT . . .
Chorus
GUHH-ZILLE
GAH-ZILLE
G' ZEL GUHH G G G G G
GUH GUH G G
GAW-ZALE
GUH GUH GOO G G
Soprano
GOO-EE-OO
GOO-AH-GOO
GOO-EE
Frank
SHE HAD A TERRIBLE FIGHT WITH HER OLD BOY FRIEND ONE NIGHT. SHE TOLD HIM TO GO AWAY AND BEAT HIM WITH A PLASTIC FISH. SHE ATE SOME VIENNA SAUSAGES TO CALM DOWN. THEN SHE MET A NEWT RANCHER . . . A YOUNG LAD WHO RAISED NEWTS SO RICH PEOPLE COULD HAVE COATS MADE OUT OF THEM. SHE LOVED HIM A LOT, AND THEY STARTED SHACKING UP ON THE RANCH WHERE HE GREW THE NEWTS. EVERYTHING WAS FINE EXCEPT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH AN INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER . . .
Soprano 1
DEW
ON THE NEWTS WE GOT
Tenor 1
NEWT MONEY DUE
IT'S A PAYMENT ON THE RENTAL
FOR THE DEWY LITTLE NEWTS
WE GOT
WE GOT 'EM DEWY
Soprano 1
LEFT 'EM IN THE YARD ALL NIGHT
HOPE THEY DIDN'T GET UP TIGHT
THE LITTLE VIXENS
THE SAUCY LITTLE VIXENS
I HOPE THEY DIDN'T GET PISSED OFF
I HOPE
THAT THEY
DID NOT
DID NOT
I HOPE
THAT THEY
DID NOT
DASH OFF
IN TO THE NIGHT!
Frank
THE GIRL WAS AFRAID OF THE DARK AND THE NIGHT AND SOMETIMES THE NEWTS . . . BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING SHE WAS GETTING WORRIED ABOUT THE YOUNG LAD'S ATTACHMENT TO THE INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER. WHENEVER HE HAD TO GO OUT AT NIGHT AND SEE IF THE NEWTS HAD DASHED OFF, SHE'D STAY HOME AND KNIT BIG SOCKS, SOBBING TO HERSELF.
The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts
Brass & Woodwinds
BLORP!
BLORP
TSS
Chorus
THE LAD SEARCHES THE NIGHT FOR HIS NEWTS
Brass & Woodwinds
BLORP!
TSSS-T
Strings
BLORP! BLORP!
Woodwinds
BLORP
Motorhead's Midnight Ranch
Frank
THEN HE'D COME HOME ALL TIRED OUT. SHE'D PUT DOWN THE BIG SOCK SHE WAS WORKING ON AND LOOK UP AT HIM, LONGINGLY . . . SHE WANTED HIM TO LOVE HER JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVED HIS INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER AND THE NEWTS IN THE YARD. SHE DREAMED OF WAYS TO WIN HIS LOVE . . .
The Girl's Dream
Narrator
THE GIRL WANTS TO FIX HIM SOME BROTH
Soprano
TINSEL COCK
Chorus
DOO-WEEOO
TINSEL COCK MY BABY
Soprano
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BROTH?
Narrator
SOME NICE SOUP.
Soprano
SOME HOT BROTH?
Chorus
YUM!
Narrator
SMALL DOGS IN IT.
Soprano
HMM?
Chorus
DOGGIES
Soprano
DO YA?
Narrator
YOU LIKE BROTH?
Chorus
DOO WAD'N' UM
Narrator
DOG BROTH?
Soprano
HOT BROTH?
Chorus
HOT DOG BROTH
Narrator
YOU LIKE DOG BROTH HOT?
Soprano
HOT DOG DE BRIS?
Chorus
DEBRIS!
Narrator
HOW D' YA LIKE IT?
Chorus
DOG BREATH? DOG BROTH? DOG BREATH BROTH?
Narrator
DEBRIS? OF THE FOUR STYLES OFFERED: DEBRIS, BROTH, BREATH AND THE EVER POPULAR, HYGIENIC
Soprano
DOO DOO DOO DOO
Narrator
EUROPEAN VERSION TINSEL COCK!
Soprano & Chorus
TINSEL COCK
Narrator
WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?
THE GIRL
Chorus
DOG BROTH?
Soprano
HOT BROTH?
Chorus
HOT DOG BROTH
Narrator
YOU LIKE
DOG BROTH HOT?
Soprano
HOT DOG DE BRIS?
Chorus
DEBRIS!
Narrator
HOW D' YA LIKE IT?
Chorus
DOG BREATH?
DOG BROTH?
DOG BREATH BROTH?
Narrator
DEBRIS?
OF THE FOUR STYLES
OFFERED:
DEBRIS, BROTH, BREATH
AND THE EVER POPULAR, HYGIENIC
Soprano
DOO DOO
DOO DOO
Narrator
EUROPEAN VERSION
TINSEL COCK!
Soprano & Chorus
TINSEL COCK
Narrator
WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?
THE GIRL
Chorus
DUH GIRL WANTS TA FIX HIM SOME BROTH
Narrator
IN A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS
Chorus
D-D-D-DUHHH
Narrator
EXPLAINS . . .
Soprano
BROTH REMINDS ME OF NUNS
Chorus
NUNS
NUNS
NUNS
Soprano
I SEE THEM SMASHING
Chorus
KIDS
Soprano
WITH RULERS
Chorus
BAP!
Soprano
DISCIPLINING MUNCHKIN CRETINS
TORTURED MUNCHKINS
TORTURED MUNCHKIN
IRISH CATHOLIC VICTIMS
Chorus
MUNCHKIN CRETINS
MUNCHKIN VICTIMS
Soprano
LITTLE GREEN SCRATCHY SWEATERS
Chorus
SWEATERS
Soprano
LITTLE GREEN SCRATCHY ONES
Chorus
CORDUROY PANTS
Soprano
BROWN CORDUROY PANTS
Chorus
DOO AH
DOO AH
Soprano
CORDUROY PANTS
AN' GREEN SCRATCHY
MUNCHKIN IRISH CATHOLIC VICTIMS
Chorus
MUNCHKINS
MUNCH-A-KINS
Soprano
MUNCHKINS GET ME HOT
Chorus
OO AH
Soprano
MUNCHKINS GET ME GET ME EE
OO AH EE OO
Chorus
MUNCHKINS
(BUNG)
(MOO)
GET ME
(HOT!)
TOO
(POOP!)
(MOO)
OO EE AH
Narrator
HOT!
GETS HER REAL HOT!
Soprano
AH
YEAH YEAH
PORK ME!
Narrator
A CARDBOARD BOX . . .
A SERIES OF CARDBOARD BOXES . . .
WITH A NUN SUIT PAINTED
ALL OVER THEM.
FOUR VIEWS . . .
EVERY SIDE OF THE BOXES . . .
ANOTHER THRILLING
VIEW OF A BLACK AND
STARCH-Y NUN SUIT . . .
. . . INSPIRING IN ITS
SIMPLICITY . . .
QUALITY GOODS . . .
Soprano
PORK
ME
OFF
Narrator
WEASELS;
VIENNA SAUSAGES;
VERY SMALL DOGS;
INSPIRED BY ITS SIMPLICITY . . .
NEARLY ABLE TO
GET OFF BEHIND IT . . .
Soprano
TINSEL COCK
Narrator
(MUNCHKINS GET HER HOT 'N DEWEY)
Chorus
DOO-WEE OO
(BOW DOOM)
TINSEL COCK ME DADDY
Soprano
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BROTH?
SOME HOT BROTH?
HMM?
DO YA?
Chorus
YUM!
HMM
DOGGIES IN IT
DOGGIES IN IT
Narrator
SOME NICE SOUP.
SMALL DOGS IN IT.
DOGS!
DOG-FEET!
YOU LIKE BROTH?
Chorus
DOO
WAD' N' UM
DOG FEET BROTH!
YUMMY
DEBRIS!
NEWTS!
HOT NUNS
BLORP!
Narrator
DOG FEET?
YOU LIKE NUNS?
GAZELLES?
GAZELLES?
Soprano
HOT BROTH?
HOT NUN DEBRIS
AH
Narrator
GAZELLES?
HOT NUN
DEBRIS?
Frank
I FIGURED THAT IF THERE WAS A STORY . . . ESPECIALLY A LOVE STORY, THAT MORE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE COULD IDENTIFY WITH OR VICARIOUSLY PARTICIPATE IN THE CONCEPTS INVOLVING NEWTS, DOGS, GAZELLES AND HOT NUN DEBRIS.
Soprano
WHY DON'T YOU STRAP ON
THIS HERE BUNCH
OF CARDBOARD BOXES, DADDY-O
(JOY OF MY DESIRING)
YOU'LL CERTAINLY LOOK SUAVE
AND GET ME HOT
HOT
HOT
GET ME HOT AND HORNY
Chorus
AH OO
DOO WAH DOO WAH DOO WAH
Soprano
IF THERE'S ONE THING I REALLY GET OFF ON
Chorus
YOINNGG!
Soprano
IT'S A NUN SUIT PAINTED ON SOME OLD BOXES
SOME OLD MELODIES
FOUR-FOUR
AN AURA . . .
AN AREOLA . . .
PINK GUMS . . .
STUMPY GRAY TEETH . . .
DENTAL FLOSS
GETS ME HOT
WANNA WATCH A DENTAL HYGIENE MOVIE?
The Dental Hygiene Movie Music
