Scene 87: "Penis!"
Chorus:
Your dick.
Mark & Howard:
Your dick!
Chorus:
Your dork.
Mark & Howard:
Your dork?
Chorus:
Your prick.
Mark & Howard:
Your prick.
Chorus:
Your pork.
Lucy:
Your pork?
Janet:
Pork?
Lucy:
Who calls it a pork? These men . . . and the stuff they call a wee-wee . . .
Mark & Howard:
A wee-wee?
Rance:
You mean a penis, don't you?
Lucy:
A penis?
Janet:
Penis is such an ugly word!
Rance:
Not that ugly, really.
Mark:
Sure, I use it all the time.
Howard:
Sure, sure, we all say it every once in a while . . . listen . . .
Mark & Howard:
Penis!
Chorus:
Eeuoo!
Mark & Howard & Chorus:
Penis!
Penis!
Janet:
Eeuoo . . . it sounds so revolting the way you guys say it . . . eeuoo . . . ka-ka!
Janet & Lucy:
Ka-ka!
Rance:
A penis can be a very useful organ!
Howard:
Yeah, and very exciting too (once you get to know me).
Mark & Howard & Chorus:
Penis!
Lucy:
It sounds so overwhelmingly medicinal!
Janet:
A "penis" sounds like something a doctor would have hanging off of him.
Lucy:
None of the men I know and love in the rock & roll business got "penises." They all got cocks, or dicks at least.
Janet:
Sure . . . you want to go strap on a pop star and he wants to stuff a "penis" up you . . . where is that at?
Mark:
Let's ask our studio audience . . .
Will you trade what he has in his pants for what I have behind this curtain?
Janet:
What is it?
Lucy:
You mean what's in his pants?
Janet:
I know what's in his pants . . . He's a lonely guy.
Orchestra:
Take the money! Take the money!
Mark:
You have to choose before the big wheel stops whirling . . . You . . . Hey, buddy, sky marshall . . . go whirl the big wheel!
Lucy:
Can I just take the money?
Janet:
There isn't any money, just the curtain and . . .
Lucy:
. . . the lonely guy.
Orchestra:
Take the curtain! Take the curtain!
Mark:
Time is running out . . . think it over carefully!
Janet:
The curtain?
Lucy:
I want the money.
Janet:
Wait!
what could it be in there?
Lucy:
In his pants?
Janet:
In the curtain!
Howard:
Doesn't anybody care what's in my pants?
