I'm Stealing The Room
Chorus
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
TAN-TOON RAN-TAN NA-NA-HAN-NNNN
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
Jeff
I'M STEALING THE TOWELS
Chorus
NA-NA-NAH
Jeff
I'M STEALING THE ASHTRAY . . .
HA-NIN-NOO-NOON TAN-TOON-RAN
Donovan (Good Conscience)
NO, JEFF!
Jeff
TAN-TOON-RAN-TOON-HAN-TOON-RAN-IN
TAN-TOON-RAN-TOON-HAN-TOON-RAN-IN
Donovan
NO NO NO!
Jeff
MAN! THIS STUFF IS GREAT! IT'S JUST AS IF DONOVAN HIMSELF HAD APPEARED ON MY VERY OWN TV . . . WITH WORDS OF PEACE, LOVE AND ETERNAL COSMIC WISDOM!
RAN T TOON TOON TAN TOON TOON . . .
LEADING ME . . . GUIDING ME ON PATHS OF EVERLASTING PSEUDO-KARMIC NEGLIGENCE IN THE VERY MIDST OF MY DRUG-INDUCED . . .
. . . NOCTURNAL EMISSION
Donovan
. . . FOR I AM YOUR GOOD CONSCIENCE, JEFF, I KNOW ALL . . .
. . . I SEE ALL . . . I AM A COSMIC LOVE PULSE MATRIX BECOMING A TECHNICOLOR INTER-POSITIVE
Jeff
HEH?
. . . WHERE'D YOU BUY THAT INCENSE?
IT'S HIP.
Donovan
IT'S THE SAME MYSTERIOUS AND EXOTIC ORIENTAL FRAGRANCE AS WHAT THE BEATLES GET OFF ON.
Jeff
I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED IT
MMMM, WHAT IS THAT? MUSK?
Donovan
JEFF, I KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
Jeff
RIGHT
YOU'RE HEAVY . . .
Donovan
YES, JEFF. I'M YOUR GUIDING LIGHT . . . LISTEN TO ME . . . DON'T RIP OFF THE TOWELS, JEFF!
Ginger (Bad Conscience)
PISS OFF, YOU LITTLE NITWIT
Jeff
HEY MAN . . . WHAT'S THE DEAL?
Donovan
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, JEFF. HE'S NO GOOD . . . HE'LL MAKE YOU DO BAD THINGS!
Jeff
YOU MEAN . . . HE'LL MAKE ME SIN?
Donovan
YES, JEFF . . .
SIN
Jeff
WOW!
Ginger
JEFF, I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH YOU . . .
. . . ABOUT YOUR SOUL . . .
Donovan
NO! DON'T LISTEN, JEFF!
Ginger
WHY ARE YOU WASTING YOUR LIFE . . . NIGHT AFTER NIGHT PLAYING THIS COMEDY MUSIC . . .
Jeff
YOU'RE RIGHT . . . I'M TOO HEAVY TO BE IN THIS GROUP . . .
Ginger
COMEDY MUSIC . . .
Donovan
JEFF! YOUR SOUL!
Chorus
YOU'RE WASTING YOUR LIFE
YOU'RE MUCH TOO HEAVY JEFF
TO BE
Jeff
. . . IN THIS GROUP ALL I EVER GET TO DO IS PLAY ZAPPA'S COMEDY MUSIC . . . HE EATS.
Donovan
JEFF!
Jeff
I GET SO TENSE . . .
Ginger
OF COURSE YOU DO, MY BOY
Jeff
THE STUFF HE MAKES ME DO
IS ALWAYS OFF THE WALL
Ginger
THAT'S WHY IT WOULD BE BEST
TO LEAVE HIS STERN EMPLOY
Jeff
AND QUIT THE GROUP . . .
Ginger
YOU'LL MAKE IT BIG
Jeff
THAT'S RIGHT!
Ginger
OF COURSE
Jeff
AND THEN I WON'T BE SMALL!
Chorus
HA HA HA HA HA HA
HA HA HA
HE HE HE HE HE
HO HO HO HO
HA HA HA
Jeff
HEH HEH HEH
. . . MMF . . . SST . . . COUGH COUGH . . . MMF . . . AHMET ERTEGUN USED THIS TOWEL AS A BATH MAT 6 WEEKS AGO AT A RANCID MOTEL IN ORLANDO, FLORIDA, WITH THE HIGHEST MILDEW RATING OF ANY COMMERCIAL LODGING FACILITY WITHIN THE TERRITORIAL LIMITS OF THE UNITED STATES, NATURALLY EXCLUDING TROPICAL POSSESSIONS SST . . . SST . . . MMMJIGSPFFFTGMMD . . . IT'S STILL DAMP! WHAT AN AROMA!
THIS IS THE BEST I EVER GOT OFF . . . WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR? TRY IT ON STEAKS . . . CLEANS NYLONS . . . SMALL CRAFT WARNINGS.
IT'S GREAT FOR THE HOME . . . THE OFFICE . . . ON FRUITS . . .
Ginger
THIS IS THE REAL YOU JEFF . . . RIP OFF A FEW MORE ASH TRAYS, GET RID OF THAT INNER TENSION. QUIT THE COMEDY GROUP . . . GET YOUR OWN GROUP TOGETHER . . . HEAVY . . . LIKE GRAND FUNK RAILROAD
OR BLACK SABBATH!
Donovan
NO, JEFF!
Jeff
. . . OR COVEN!
Donovan
PEACE!
LOVE!
Ginger
BOLLOCKS!
Jeff
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR?
Howard
JEFF HAS GONE OUT THERE ON THAT STUFF
Donovan
HE SHOULD NEVER HAVE USED THE ELIXIR . . . AND ONLY STUCK TO THE INCENSE . . . OH ATLANTIS.
Mark
THAT WAS BILLY THE MOUNTAIN DRESSED UP LIKE DONOVAN FADING OUT ON THE WALL MOUNTED TV SCREEN JEFF IS . . . FLIPPING OUT . . . ROAD FATIGUE . . . WE GOTTA GET HIM BACK TO NORMAL BEFORE ZAPPA FINDS OUT . . . AND STEALS IT AND MAKES HIM DO IT IN THE MOVIE!
Jeff
[DELICATE PERSONAL MEMBRANES, NO SHIT HOWIE, WE JUST LIKE MUSICIANS FOR FRIENDS]
Howard
[OH, MAN! WHAT IS HIS STORY?]
Ginger
YOU HAVE A BRILLIANT CAREER AHEAD OF YOU MY BOY . . . JUST GET OUT OF THIS GROUP . . .
Howard
WHAT?
Jeff
[. . . LATEX FAUNTLEROY MASSEUSE . . .]
Mark
HOWARD! THAT WAS STUDEBAKER HOCH DRESSED UP LIKE JIM PONS GIVING CAREER GUIDANCE TO THE BASS PLAYER OF A ROCK-ORIENTED COMEDY GROUP! JEFF'S IMAGINATION HAS GONE BEYOND THE FRINGE OF AUDIENCE COMPREHENSION.
Howard
JEFF, JEFF IT'S ME THE PHLORESCENT LEECH
Jeff
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR?
(WALTER BRENNAN NOISE)
Mark
JEFF, JEFF IT'S . . . ME, EDDIE
WHAT CAN A PERSON LIKE ME SAY ABOUT THIS ELIXIR?
Jeff
USE IT TO CLEAN YOUR SWIMMING POOL, SELL IT TO YOUR MOTHER AND TELL HER IT'S A RIT TIE DYE KIT YOU WON'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT'LL HAPPEN WHEN YOU STARCH YOUR SHIRT WITH IT. AND YOUR CAR WINDOWS NEVER LOOKED BETTER IN YOUR WHOLE LIFE, BREATH IT, PUT IT ON YOUR PIZZA, PUT IT ON YOUR SHOES, TIE YOUR WIFE WITH IT . . . (WALTER BRENNAN NOISE)
Mark
WELL, PUT IT ON YOUR STEAKS, UH SEND IT OVERSEAS, PUT IT ON YOUR SURFBOARD YOU WON'T SLIP OFF, TRY IT ON YOUR UPHOLSTERY, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOU CAN INHALE IT AND IT MAKES YOUR VOICE THREE KEYS HIGHER, RUB IT, HEH, HEH, AND IF YOU EVER TRIED IT AS A . . . (WALTER BRENNAN NOISE)
Howard
SOAK YOUR SHIRTS IN IT, SOAK YOUR TEETH IN IT, LET IT PLAY THE PIANO, TOW IT AROUND THE BLOCK, PUT IT ON YOUR SWIMMING POOL AND YOU CAN'T EVEN STAND WHEN YOU PUT IT IN YOUR HAIR, FILL UP YOUR TIRES WITH IT . . . (WALTER BRENNAN NOISE)
Jeff
WHAT . . .
WHAT CAN I . . .
WHAT . . .
WHAT CAN I SAY ABOUT THIS? . . .
Mark & Howard
DWEE DOO DEE-OO-POO FRAM, MINNN
HANNIN-ATT
Jeff
DOES THIS KIND OF LIFE LOOK INTERESTING TO YOU? . . .
Mark & Howard
HAN NIN-ATT
Jeff
NIGHT AFTER NIGHT, DINNERS WITH HERB COHEN, THRILL-PACKED, FUN-FILLED EVENINGS, ON THE FRENCH RIVIERA AT THE MIDEM CONVENTION, A BEIGE TIE, THE WHOLE BIT, WATCH MUTT EAT AND LEON FEED THE GEESE, ONE THOUSAND GREEN BUSINESS CARDS WITH YOUR NAME AND THE WRONG ADDRESS PLUS ROYALTY STATEMENTS, INSPECTED AND CUSTOMIZED BY RANTOON TAN, HANTOON FRAMMIN, AND DEE, FOLLOWED BY TWELVE POTENTIAL SUICIDES, AS THE MEMBERS OF YOUR GROUP, PAST AND PRESENT, FIND OUT THEY CAN'T COLLECT UNEMPLOYMENT? A DOG, A CAR, AN EPIDEMIC OF BODY LICE, YOUR OWN RECORD COMPANY, YOUR NAME ON THE DOOR, ELECTRIC BUZZER TO THE INNER OFFICE, AND ONA'S TITS, A THREE MONTH SUPPLY OF GERMAN BOOKINGS WITH TICKETS ON AIR RANGOON. DOES THIS KIND OF LIFE LOOK INTERESTING TO YOU? AS A FAKE ROCK AND ROLL GUITAR PLAYER IN A COMEDY GROUP?
Chorus
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
TAN-TOON RAN-TAN NA-NA-HAN NNNN
TWO HUNDRED MOTELS
Jeff
I'M STEALING THE ROOM
I'M STEALING THE ROOM
I'M STEALING THE
I'M STEALING THE ROOM
Chorus
I'M STEALING THE ROOM
I'M STEALING THE . . .
I'M STEALING THE ROOM
STEALING
I'M STEALING THE . . .
I'M STEALING THE . . .
I AM . . . MMM
STEEL
Strings
I AM STEEL
STEEL
Chorus
S-S-STEEL
I AM STEEL
STEEL
