"That Greatest Of American Holidays"
Hello, folks. Happy Halloween to you and yours. Welcome to the Auditorium Theatre on that greatest of American holidays—Halloween. We will try to make this Halloween very memorable for you.
Alright, folks. Down here—I'd like to introduce the members of the rocking teenage combo right now—over here, with the trombone and his pajamas in the bottom, Mr. Bruce Fowler . . . And here, with the tenor saxophone and the prominently displayed bolt in the middle of his forehead, Napoleon Murphy Brock, direct from San Jose . . . by way of Hawaii on vocals . . . And over there in the corner, still smelling just as fresh as she did during the first program, it's Ruth "Hot Lips" Underwood . . . Try your marimba, Ruth! . . . She has all the licks down, she's really a be-bop marimba player. Now the bongos . . . Martin Denny, ladies and gentlemen. And now, the timpani! . . . J. Arthur Rank! . . . Give 'em the gong, Ruth, give 'em the big gong . . . Hey! Give 'em the little cheap shitty gong now, Ruth . . . Hey! . . . Ladies and gentlemen, drumset #1, Ralph Humphrey . . . plus cowbells . . . Very good. Drumset #2, Chester Thompson . . . Electric bass, Tom Fowler . . . Multiple keyboard appendages, George Duke . . . Yes, he's a cute one, folks, he is a cute one. Right. (George: Thank you, honey.) Let me see if I'm working here . . . Nope . . . Nope . . . Nope . . . Nope . . .
"Cosmik Debris" . . . Oh, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, I hate to trouble you with this, Ruth has requested once more, just as she did in the first program, that there is a note broken on the vibraphone—what note is it, Ruth? . . . It's an E. There is an invisible E on the vibraphone. You won't hear that one particular E. Some of her parts may sound cheesy to you. Most of you won't know the difference, but she's so sensitive she wants you to know that she's gonna try and work around it, okay? Now I gotta tune up.
Alright, ladies and gentlemen, the name of our first tune is "Cosmik Debris." It's a song about gurus and their uselessness to society. Here we go. Hey! One, two, three, four . . .