The King And The Donkey

Lyrics

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a king, and the king thought he was really hot-shit. The king one sunday liked to go out into the street all dressed up and let the people of the countryside see how bitchen he was. He would always go out there with his evil assistant, who gave him advice on important matters. This man's name was Fred. Now, one sunday the king was out in the street. He was all dessed up and actually he did look pretty sharp if you go for a king with those kind of clothes on. And the people of the countryside gathered around and said to themselves: "That's a pretty sharp, good-looking king."
However, a mysterious stranger came riding into town on a donkey. He rides up and he doesn't pay any attention to the king. Well, obviously, when you don't pay attention to the king, that gets him pissed off. So the king goes: "Uh, uh!" like that to Fred, who immediately goes over to the mysterious stranger and yanks him off the donkey and drags him over to the king. And he says: "Kneel down, you fool!" And the mysterious stranger said: "Why should I bother? He's only a king!"
And the king goes: "Harump, harump! I'm dressed up and I look pretty sharp!"
And the mysterious stranger says: "What did you ever do to make the world more beautiful?"
And the king said: "It's sunday I got dressed up!"
The mysterious stranger said: "That's not good enough! Did you ever write a poem?"
The king said: "No."
"Did you ever paint a picture?"
The king said: "No."
"Did you ever dance a ballet?"
The king said: "Of course not!"
"Did you ever write a song?"
The king said: "Don't be silly!"
Then the mysterious stranger said: "Well, what did you ever do to make the world more beautiful? And if you didn't make it more beautiful, why should I respect you?"
The king goes like that to Fred, Fred leans down to the guy: "Listen! You better show this king some respect or he's gonna chop your head off!"
The king fixes himself up waiting for the guy to show him some respect. The mysterious stranger just looks up at him and says. "You may be the king, but you're nothing! Because you didn't make the world more beautiful."
Well the king looked at him, because he's really mad now, he says: "Listen! I am the king! And I have an immense penis!"
The mysterious stranger looked at the king and said: "So does my donkey!"

Notes About This Song

Spoken by Zappa at the concert in Linz, Austria on 29th June 1982.