Soft-Sell Conclusion

Lyrics

A lot of people don't bother about their friends in the VEGETABLE KINGDOM. They think, "Ah, what can I say? What can a person like myself say to a vegetable?" But the answer is simple, my friends... just call... and tell them how you feel... about MUFFINS, PUMPKINS, WAX PAPER, CALEDONIA, MAHOGANIES, ELBOWS AND GREEN THINGS IN GENERAL... and soon: A NEW RAPPORT! You and your new little green & yellow buddies... grooving together! OH NO! Maintaining your coolness together! Worshipping together in the church of your choice! ONLY IN AMERICA! Woh-oh-oh-ah-agh-h...

Call any vegetable
Call it by name
You gotta call one today
When you get off the train
Call any vegetable
And the chances are good
AR-R-H-R that the vegetable
Will respond to you...
OH NO! Can you see them responding?
The PUMPKIN is breathing hard:

HUFFA PUFFA HUFFA PUFFA etc.
what a pumpkin...

Players On This Song

ABSOLUTELY FREE version

• Frank Zappa - guitar, vocals
• Ray Collins - vocals, tambourine
• Jim Fielder - guitar, piano
• Don Preston - keyboards
• Bunk Gardner - woodwinds
• Roy Estrada - bass, vocals
• Jimmy Carl Black - drums, vocals
• Billy Mundi - drums, percussion

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

Singles

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Zappa Albums & Side Projects

Original Albums

• Absolutely Free. Same take on:
• Playground Psychotics, included in Champagne Lecture
• Just Another Band From L.A., included in Call Any Vegetable

Beat The Boots
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Compilations

• Mothermania, included in Call Any Vegetable

Unauthorized Compilations
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Samplers And Promos
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Special Editions
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Miscellaneous
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Tribute & Cover Albums

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Notes About This Song

• Soft-Sell Conclusion was originally called "If You Like Chickens".
• includes quotes from God Bless America (Irving Berlin), America The Beautiful (Ward/Bates), Marine's Hymn (trad.) and A Soldier's Tale (Stravinsky - the theme appears at 1:25, right after "the pumpkin is breathing hard".)