Hey, Mister Snazzy Executive!

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HEY, MISTER SNAZZY EXECUTIVE! HERE IT IS! YOUR VERY OWN M.O.I. CUSTOMIZED PRESS KIT WITH THE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS THAT HAVE PLAGUED YOU DAY & NIGHT FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS OF OUR CONTRACTUAL ASSOCIATION

From: FRANK ZAPPA

To: ALL WARNER/REPRISE AVANT-GARDE EXECUTIVES WHO MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE MERCHANDISING OF MOTHERS OF INVENTION PRODUCT

Attn: SNAZZY EXECS ...

On behalf of The Mothers and Bizarre, I wish to thank you for doing such a marvellous job on the "Penzil Front" album (MS 2042). I'm sure its present sales success is a direct result of your unflagging loyalty and touching concern for our group and its work. How often has our jolly little band (and even Herbie) mused upon its great fortune being handled by your skillful aggressive technicians and your creative Burbank copy writers and that guy who picks our the gurly pictures of us that you use in 'Circular.' Any normal sort of teenage combo might have become enraged by something like Freddie Weintraub's exquisite 'Medicine Ball Caravan' ad campaign, where Warners stoops to the hiring of fake hippies ($10 a day, 10 days, $100 to "Get out there on the psychedelic bus and promote this groovy movie . . . . ."), and then sends a bunch to one of its concerts (like the one we played at Pauley Pavilion) to pass out crappy little leaflets. Some old ordinary group might get pissed off at stuff like that, but we just sit round and say how lucky we are. After all, it could be worse . . . we could still be with MGM. We don't even care about security leaks associated with merchandising strategy (like "The Junior Mintz" deal), even when such a tragically simplistic hoax became a necessity in order to motivate your own sales poeple. We don't care about that stuff. We just laugh about it. Up at the office we laugh. At rehearsals we laugh. I even laugh about it during interviews and with my family when I get home. You guys know . . . you know our reputation (merely a comedy group) . . . you know we just laugh about it.

Anyway, we thought it was so funny that we got together a modified EXECUTIVE EDUCATIONAL PRESS KIT, prepared in the hope that relations between our group and your merchan dising people will improve with proper understanding of the conceptual aspects of our 'development program.'

Consider this package as a response to your request for 'SOMETHING ABOUT US, WRITTEN BY US' for use in 'Circular'. In your layout for this special issue, kindly print the letter you are holding in your hand on the front cover.

Best regards, Frank Zappa (for the MOI and Bizarre Inc).