Scene 32: "It's A Good Thing We Get Paid To Do This..."
Mark:
It's a good thing we get paid to do this . . . I could be at home getting reamed, or listening to my new Elton John album.
Howard:
Oh, man, don't even talk about getting reamed . . . I've been without female companionship for so long—Monday for instance.
Jeff (Martin):
You know why you don't get laid . . . nobody wants to fuck a comedian!
Mark:
You should be careful talking about that stuff.
Jeff (Martin):
Why? Does he listen?
Ian:
He always listens. He always watches and listens to all the guys in the band. I've been in the band for years, and I know. He always listens!
Jeff (Martin):
That's how he gets all his material! He listen to us being natural, friendly, good-natured, humorous, ha-ha-ha-ha!
All Mothers:
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
YEAH? WELL FINE!
Jeff (Martin):
. . . And then he rips us off, and he sneaks off into a secret room someplace, and boils it in ammonia, and he gets it perverted, and then he brings it back to us at rehearsals and makes us play it!
George:
Hey, man, what's that over there?
Howard:
It's him. It's him, he's watching.
Mark:
You think he heard us?
Ian:
I've been in the band for years. You can bet that he heard everything.
Jeff (Martin):
Yeah, let's go over and pretend to be nice to him.
Howard:
Yeah, let's go over and pretent we don't know he's watching.
Mark:
Yeah, and ripping off all our good material.
Howard:
Hi, man!
Ian:
Hi, Frank!
Mark:
Hi, man!
Aynsley:
Hi, Frank!
Jeff (Martin):
Hi, man!
George:
Hey, Frank!
Mark:
Hey, that's a great new song you wrote, you know, the one about the penis and everything? I was laughing a lot the whole time I was learning it!
Howard:
Yeah, we were all laughing, Frank!
All Mothers:
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
YEAH? WELL FINE!
Howard:
Yeah, it took a little while to get into it, man, but once we got the drift, phew!
Jeff (Martin):
Yeah, what a great part you got in there for the chorus, you know when they go:
All Mothers:
"Ran Tan Toon Toon Na Na Hanninn."
Jeff (Martin):
And I steal the room and everything, you know. I don't even mind you rippin' it off me, just as long as I get paid.
Mark:
Oh, and I don't even mind the part where he says, "What can I say about this fabulous elixir," so long as me and Howard and Jeff Simmons—who left the group just before the movie started—get credit for special material! Ha-ha-ha!
