The Pleated Gazelle

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Frank


ONE NIGHT I COULDN'T GET ANY ACTION AFTER THE CONCERT . . .


I WENT BACK TO THE HOTEL BY MYSELF


I MADE SOME INSTANT COFFEE AND I TOOK OUT THE MUSIC I'D BEEN WORKING ON . . .


A PIECE FOR VOICE AND SMALL ENSEMBLE . . .


IT WAS CALLED: "I HAVE SEEN THE PLEATED GAZELLE"


Narrator


GAZELLE?


Soprano


I HAVE SEEN THE PLEATED GAZELLE
GUHH-ZAY-LL
GUHH-ZILLE
GAH-ZILLE
G' ZEL GUHH G G G G G


Frank


SOME PEOPLE MIGHT WONDER WHY A PERSON MIGHT WANT TO WRITE SOMETHING LIKE THIS . . .


Soprano


GUH GUH G G
GAW-ZALE
GUH GUH GOO G G


Frank


IT'S NOT PRETTY AND IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL


Soprano


GOO-EE-OO
GOO-AH-GOO
GOO-EE


Frank


BUT THAT DIDN'T MATTER TO ME WHILE I WAS WRITING IT . . .


I JUST WROTE DOWN WHATEVER CAME TO MIND . . . I FIGURED I'D NEVER GET TO HEAR IT ANYWAY


IT OCCURED TO ME LATER THAT NIGHT, THAT IF (BY SOME CHANCE) THE PLEATED GAZELLE WAS EVER PERFORMED, THE AUDIENCE MIGHT LIKE IT BETTER IF IT HAD A STORY.


SO I MADE UP A STORY . . .


ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS A GIRL . . .


SHE ALWAYS WORE A GREEN WOOL OVERCOAT


WITH PLASTIC FISH AND VIENNA SAUSAGES PINNED ON IT . . .


ON THE SHOULDERS


SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH A BOY WHO ALWAYS TREATED HER WRONG


ONE DAY SHE FLIPPED OUT . . .


Chorus


GUHH-ZILLE
GAH-ZILLE
G' ZEL GUHH G G G G G
GUH GUH G G
GAW-ZALE
GUH GUH GOO G G


Soprano


GOO-EE-OO
GOO-AH-GOO
GOO-EE


Frank


SHE HAD A TERRIBLE FIGHT WITH HER OLD BOY FRIEND ONE NIGHT. SHE TOLD HIM TO GO AWAY AND BEAT HIM WITH A PLASTIC FISH. SHE ATE SOME VIENNA SAUSAGES TO CALM DOWN. THEN SHE MET A NEWT RANCHER . . . A YOUNG LAD WHO RAISED NEWTS SO RICH PEOPLE COULD HAVE COATS MADE OUT OF THEM. SHE LOVED HIM A LOT, AND THEY STARTED SHACKING UP ON THE RANCH WHERE HE GREW THE NEWTS. EVERYTHING WAS FINE EXCEPT HE WAS IN LOVE WITH AN INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER . . .


Soprano 1


DEW
ON THE NEWTS WE GOT


Tenor 1


NEWT MONEY DUE
IT'S A PAYMENT ON THE RENTAL
FOR THE DEWY LITTLE NEWTS
WE GOT


WE GOT 'EM DEWY


Soprano 1


LEFT 'EM IN THE YARD ALL NIGHT
HOPE THEY DIDN'T GET UP TIGHT
THE LITTLE VIXENS
THE SAUCY LITTLE VIXENS
I HOPE THEY DIDN'T GET PISSED OFF


I HOPE
THAT THEY
DID NOT
DID NOT
I HOPE
THAT THEY
DID NOT
DASH OFF
IN TO THE NIGHT!


Frank


THE GIRL WAS AFRAID OF THE DARK AND THE NIGHT AND SOMETIMES THE NEWTS . . . BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING SHE WAS GETTING WORRIED ABOUT THE YOUNG LAD'S ATTACHMENT TO THE INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER. WHENEVER HE HAD TO GO OUT AT NIGHT AND SEE IF THE NEWTS HAD DASHED OFF, SHE'D STAY HOME AND KNIT BIG SOCKS, SOBBING TO HERSELF.


The Lad Searches The Night For His Newts
Brass & Woodwinds


BLORP!
BLORP
TSS


Chorus


THE LAD SEARCHES THE NIGHT FOR HIS NEWTS


Brass & Woodwinds


BLORP!
TSSS-T


Strings


BLORP! BLORP!


Woodwinds


BLORP


Motorhead's Midnight Ranch
Frank


THEN HE'D COME HOME ALL TIRED OUT. SHE'D PUT DOWN THE BIG SOCK SHE WAS WORKING ON AND LOOK UP AT HIM, LONGINGLY . . . SHE WANTED HIM TO LOVE HER JUST AS MUCH AS HE LOVED HIS INDUSTRIAL VACUUM CLEANER AND THE NEWTS IN THE YARD. SHE DREAMED OF WAYS TO WIN HIS LOVE . . .


The Girl's Dream
Narrator


THE GIRL WANTS TO FIX HIM SOME BROTH


Soprano


TINSEL COCK


Chorus


DOO-WEEOO
TINSEL COCK MY BABY


Soprano


WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BROTH?


Narrator


SOME NICE SOUP.


Soprano


SOME HOT BROTH?


Chorus


YUM!


Narrator


SMALL DOGS IN IT.


Soprano


HMM?


Chorus


DOGGIES


Soprano


DO YA?


Narrator


YOU LIKE BROTH?


Chorus


DOO WAD'N' UM


Narrator

DOG BROTH?

Soprano

HOT BROTH?

Chorus

HOT DOG BROTH

Narrator

YOU LIKE DOG BROTH HOT?

Soprano

HOT DOG DE BRIS?

Chorus

DEBRIS!

Narrator

HOW D' YA LIKE IT?

Chorus

DOG BREATH? DOG BROTH? DOG BREATH BROTH?

Narrator

DEBRIS? OF THE FOUR STYLES OFFERED: DEBRIS, BROTH, BREATH AND THE EVER POPULAR, HYGIENIC

Soprano

DOO DOO DOO DOO

Narrator

EUROPEAN VERSION TINSEL COCK!

Soprano & Chorus

TINSEL COCK

Narrator

WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?


THE GIRL


Chorus


DOG BROTH?


Soprano


HOT BROTH?


Chorus


HOT DOG BROTH


Narrator


YOU LIKE
DOG BROTH HOT?


Soprano


HOT DOG DE BRIS?


Chorus


DEBRIS!


Narrator


HOW D' YA LIKE IT?


Chorus


DOG BREATH?
DOG BROTH?
DOG BREATH BROTH?


Narrator


DEBRIS?
OF THE FOUR STYLES
OFFERED:
DEBRIS, BROTH, BREATH
AND THE EVER POPULAR, HYGIENIC


Soprano


DOO DOO
DOO DOO


Narrator


EUROPEAN VERSION
TINSEL COCK!


Soprano & Chorus


TINSEL COCK


Narrator


WHICH DO YOU CHOOSE?


THE GIRL


Chorus


DUH GIRL WANTS TA FIX HIM SOME BROTH


Narrator


IN A STATEMENT TO THE PRESS


Chorus


D-D-D-DUHHH


Narrator


EXPLAINS . . .


Soprano


BROTH REMINDS ME OF NUNS


Chorus


NUNS
NUNS
NUNS


Soprano


I SEE THEM SMASHING


Chorus


KIDS


Soprano


WITH RULERS


Chorus


BAP!


Soprano


DISCIPLINING MUNCHKIN CRETINS
TORTURED MUNCHKINS
TORTURED MUNCHKIN
IRISH CATHOLIC VICTIMS


Chorus


MUNCHKIN CRETINS
MUNCHKIN VICTIMS


Soprano


LITTLE GREEN SCRATCHY SWEATERS


Chorus


SWEATERS


Soprano


LITTLE GREEN SCRATCHY ONES


Chorus


CORDUROY PANTS


Soprano


BROWN CORDUROY PANTS


Chorus


DOO AH
DOO AH


Soprano


CORDUROY PANTS
AN' GREEN SCRATCHY
MUNCHKIN IRISH CATHOLIC VICTIMS


Chorus


MUNCHKINS
MUNCH-A-KINS


Soprano


MUNCHKINS GET ME HOT


Chorus


OO AH


Soprano


MUNCHKINS GET ME GET ME EE
OO AH EE OO


Chorus


MUNCHKINS
(BUNG)
(MOO)
GET ME
(HOT!)
TOO
(POOP!)
(MOO)
OO EE AH


Narrator


HOT!
GETS HER REAL HOT!


Soprano


AH
YEAH YEAH
PORK ME!


Narrator


A CARDBOARD BOX . . .
A SERIES OF CARDBOARD BOXES . . .
WITH A NUN SUIT PAINTED
ALL OVER THEM.
FOUR VIEWS . . .
EVERY SIDE OF THE BOXES . . .


ANOTHER THRILLING
VIEW OF A BLACK AND
STARCH-Y NUN SUIT . . .
. . . INSPIRING IN ITS
SIMPLICITY . . .
QUALITY GOODS . . .


Soprano


PORK
ME
OFF


Narrator


WEASELS;
VIENNA SAUSAGES;
VERY SMALL DOGS;
INSPIRED BY ITS SIMPLICITY . . .
NEARLY ABLE TO
GET OFF BEHIND IT . . .


Soprano


TINSEL COCK


Narrator


(MUNCHKINS GET HER HOT 'N DEWEY)


Chorus


DOO-WEE OO
(BOW DOOM)
TINSEL COCK ME DADDY


Soprano


WOULD YOU LIKE SOME BROTH?
SOME HOT BROTH?
HMM?
DO YA?


Chorus


YUM!
HMM
DOGGIES IN IT
DOGGIES IN IT


Narrator


SOME NICE SOUP.
SMALL DOGS IN IT.
DOGS!
DOG-FEET!
YOU LIKE BROTH?


Chorus


DOO
WAD' N' UM
DOG FEET BROTH!
YUMMY
DEBRIS!
NEWTS!
HOT NUNS
BLORP!


Narrator


DOG FEET?
YOU LIKE NUNS?
GAZELLES?
GAZELLES?


Soprano


HOT BROTH?
HOT NUN DEBRIS
AH


Narrator


GAZELLES?
HOT NUN
DEBRIS?


Frank


I FIGURED THAT IF THERE WAS A STORY . . . ESPECIALLY A LOVE STORY, THAT MORE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE COULD IDENTIFY WITH OR VICARIOUSLY PARTICIPATE IN THE CONCEPTS INVOLVING NEWTS, DOGS, GAZELLES AND HOT NUN DEBRIS.


Soprano


WHY DON'T YOU STRAP ON
THIS HERE BUNCH
OF CARDBOARD BOXES, DADDY-O
(JOY OF MY DESIRING)
YOU'LL CERTAINLY LOOK SUAVE
AND GET ME HOT
HOT
HOT
GET ME HOT AND HORNY


Chorus


AH OO
DOO WAH DOO WAH DOO WAH


Soprano


IF THERE'S ONE THING I REALLY GET OFF ON


Chorus


YOINNGG!


Soprano


IT'S A NUN SUIT PAINTED ON SOME OLD BOXES
SOME OLD MELODIES
FOUR-FOUR
AN AURA . . .
AN AREOLA . . .
PINK GUMS . . .
STUMPY GRAY TEETH . . .
DENTAL FLOSS
GETS ME HOT


WANNA WATCH A DENTAL HYGIENE MOVIE?


The Dental Hygiene Movie Music


Recordings

Notes