Fifty-Four Fab, Boss Questions ...

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Fifty-Four Fab, Boss Questions
From Frank Zappa
Exciting, Trippy, Super, Even Not Bad!
from teen set, 1966/12
by Michael Vosse

I first saw Frank Zappa last winter when David Anderle, music world "court painter" and also manager of Danny Hutton, called to invite me to a Freak Out recording session. The studio was opened at 1 a.m. on a Friday, and it was soon filled with a couple of hundred kids from the Sunset Strip, the Mothers of Invention, "chorus leader" Kim Fowley, and various guests like Paul Butterfield and Les McCann. It went on for hours and everybody participated -- some singing, some moaning, others popping gum into speakers -- I don't think there has ever been anything like it!

Well, that session and subsequent visits to concerts, and finally the release of the lavish two-lp "Freak Out!" album sold me on Frank's iconoclastic group. Meeting and talking to Frank personally three or four times always resulted in heavy talk and listening to his amazing collection of electronic music. One day I found out that everybody takes Frank so seriously no one has ever asked him the usual "fan" questions. So one night Frank and I got together with a bunch of fan magazines and picked 48 questions which he answered. So here they are, and here is the incredible living ZAPPA!

1. What is your full name?

Francis Vincent Zappa, Jr. II (The second means junior which means I have the same name as my father.)

2. Where and when were you born?

December 21, 1940 in Baltimore, Maryland.

3. How tall are you, what do you weigh, what is your coloring?

Six foot tall and 135 pounds. Dove grey complexion, jet black hair, jet brown eyes, jet pink gums -- the rest all matches.

4. Do you have brothers and sisters?

Yes. A sister named Candy, and two brothers -- Carl and Bobby. They all lived.

5. Where do you live?

I live in the middle of the great hallucenogenic wasteland -- Laurel Canyon -- on one of the hot streets with the rest of the stars ... lotsa action, having a wonderful time, wish you were here.

6. What kind of clothes do you like to wear?

I like a snappy sports ensemble -- something neutral and easy to care for, wash 'n' wear mostly.

7. What is your conception of your Dream Girl?

She is an attractive pariah, with an I.Q. well over 228, with complete mastery of "Br'er Rabbit," any five Indian cookbooks, the Dead Sea Scrolls. The Pat Butram Story (she gotta know all the words to the album!); no interest whatsover in any way in sports, sunshine, deoderant, lip stick, chewing gum, carbon tetrachloride, television, ice cream ... none of that stuff!
In short -- a wholesome young underground morsel open to suggestion!
P.S. I don't even care if she shaves her legs. Jest about anybody will do if they can dance. I'm not really sure any of this is true. I'll have to check it out a couple of times. Wait! Any girl is all right as long as she doesn't have hair like Bob Dylan, or maybe she could even have that if she knows how to ride a motorcycle. I might even like her better if she can play Stockhausen on the piano -- Klaviarshtuck XII.

8. What is your favorite record in 1966?

"Revolver" -- Our first album (Freak Out) is a hoax, in case you haven't noticed!

9. Who is your favorite actress?

Ida Lupino.

10. Who is your favorite actor?

Herman Rudin.

11. What are your favorite movies?

The Killer Shrews, The Beast of Haunted Cave, Wasp Woman, Mothra, Dead Of Night, Freaks and Alice in Wonderland.

12. What do you do when you are alone?

I am never alone. I have a house with six dwarfs who take care of me. The dwarfs change from week to week so I don't get bored. But if I ever was alone, I'd probably dance and sing and play my guitar, oh boy, would I! I might sew, I might read, I might draw -- I might do all of that stuff simultaneously. Maybe someday I will be so rich I can hire people to help do all those things when I am alone . . . maybe not; I have a lot of fantasies, you see.

13. Do you have any secret longings?

I long to turn Sunset Boulevard into a parking lot.

14. Do you ever date fans?

Of course, they are the only ones who like me!

15. How would you describe your personality?

Infinitely repellant.

16. What do you like to do on a date?

Well, mostly I just like to hold hands, intimately sharing conversation.

17. Who are your closest friends?

The ones that are still alive. I keep to myself mostly, jes me and my pup dog, Po Po -- walking alone together all through the canyon, what care I for friends?
Seriously now, my friends made me promise if I ever got famous not to tell their names -- it might get back to them. Something like that on your record could keep you from getting a civil service job.

18. Where would you like to live if you get married?

What makes you think I'm gonna get married? What makes you think I want to be on any street but this street -- where the action is -- besides, Po Po likes to roam the hills. Good boy, Po Po.

19. What are your favorite colors?

Avacado green, yellow orange and robin's-egg blue.

20. What are your favorite flowers?

Morning glories, honeysuckle.

21. What is your favorite food?

Shrimp curry.

22. Who are your favorites in music?

In the old days, back before Rock 'n' Roll was what was happening, I used to go for Sacco & Vanzetti. And as I grew up I found that it got harder and harder to dance to them -- when you get old coordination is more difficult. I had to switch my preference, and now all I really like is Gary Lewis and the Playboys!