Crew Slut
Lyrics
Act I
SCENE FOUR
CREW SLUT
(Backstage at the local Armory, MARY, in her little white dress, is wiping the remnants of her performance off the side of her mouth as LARRY (the guy from the garage who quit the band in order to make an honest living) zips up the front of his stinking boiler suit and sings to the same teen-age girls who were stomping and clapping a little while ago, as they kneel with their little pink mouths open near the crew bus, hoping to save the price of admission by performing acts of Hooverism on
the jolly lads who set up the P. A. System.)
LARRY:
Hey Hey Hey all you girls in these industrial towns
I know you're prob'ly gettin' tired of all the local clowns
They never give you no respect, they never treat you nice
So perhaps you oughta try a little friendly advice
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
And be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Hey, you'll love it
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
It's a way of life
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
See the world
Don't make a fuss, just get on the bus
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Add water makes its own sauce[1]
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
So you don't forget, call before midnite tonite
The boys in the crew
Are just waiting for you
LARRY:
You never to get move around, zou never go nowhere
I know yer prob'ly gettin' tired of all the guys out there
You always wondered what it's like to go from place to place
So, darlin', take a little ride on the mixer's face
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Just follow the magic footprints
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Hey, you'll love it!
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Be a CREW SLUT
LARRY:
It's a way of life
I ain't gonna squash it
And you don't need to wash it!
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Hey, I'll buy you a pizza
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
CREW SLUT
LARRY:
Of course I'll introduce you to Warren
The boys in the crew are only waiting for you
(At this point, the road crew, as all road crews must from time to time, borrow some of the big rock group's equipment and have a blues jam session, indicating to the kneeling maidens that they are endowed with a great deal of raw talent, as well as massive meat. Obviously impressed with LARRY'S ability to suck so hard on his harmonica that screeching little noises come out of it, MARY kneels again and reaches upward in gestures of supplication, listening intently as LARRY continues to sing...)
LARRY:
Well you been to Alabama, girl 'n' Georgia too
'N' all the boys in the crew is bein' good to you
I know yer sayin' to yourself "This is the way to go"
'Cause when you need a little extra, they will give you some mo'
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
`Cause you're the CREW SLUT
(etc)
MARY:
Eh, hah ha, I'm into leather...
LARRY:
That's good! A lot of the boys in the crew Love leather...
MARY:
And rubber...
LARRY:
Yeh, they like rubber too...shrink-tubing with a hair dryer...
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Trade your spot on the bench
For a guy with a wrench
And be a...
MARY:
Ha ha ha...
LARRY:
You like that, huh?
I told you you'd love it...
It's a way of life!
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
The guys in the crew
Have got a present for you!
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
MARY:
A present for me?
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
LARRY:
Hmmm, we got a present for you!
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
MARY:
Whaddya got? Whaddya gonna give me?
ROAD CREW CHORUS:
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
Ren nah naaah
LARRY:
It looks just like a TeleFunken U-47[2]
You'll love it...
MARY:
With Leather?
CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER:
Eh errr, eh eh...This is,eh, the CENTRAL SCRUTINIZER again... And so Mary was enticed away from Joe by an evil barbarian with a wrench in his pocket, lured into a life of SLEAZERY with the entire road crew of some Famous Rock Group (I don't know whether it was really Toad-O[3] or not...I don't know... I'll check it out). Again we see MUSIC causing BIG TROUBLE!
Players On This Song
Records On Which This Song Has Appeared
Zappa Albums
- Joe's Garage Act I
- You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6
- Chicago '78, as part of the medley 'Paroxysmal Splendor'.
Tributes & Cover Albums
.
Notes About This Song
- ↑ The line "Add water, makes its own sauce" possibly inspired by a TV commercial for dog food brand Gravy Train.
- ↑ A phallus like microphone
- ↑ "The Famous Rock Group Toad-O" (again referenced on the track "Toad-O Line" (later: On The Bus) might be a jab at Toto, an American rock band who had a hit with "Hold the Line" in the same year of Joe's Garage release.
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