The "Real World" Thematic Extrapolations

Lyrics

You know, you've heard those lines so many times, you go into a Disco and you hear these people sitting around, desperately tryin' to get a little action. Now isn't it disgusting that things that people will say to each other, when all they wanna do is just gown ... get down to a little wholesome pooching after the event. Now ... ladies 'n' gennelmen, I think that it's only fair since the ... the theme of our show tonight has been "Real World", that we make an earnest effort to deal with these problems in a forthright manner, y'know what I mean? So look, I know that you ... you're gonna leave this place eventually 'n' you're gonna go and ... maybe you'll go someplace, you might even go to a Disco-kind-of-a-place, I know how you are, and when you go in there, you're gonna, yes, you will, I know you will, he will ... and so will she, 'cause I seen them there.
But when you go there, I know what you're going to do: You're gonna walk in ... you're gonna check it out a couple o'times ... you're gonna walk over to the bar to see if there is any immediate grand-type action over there ... and if there's not you're gonna spin around a couple o'times and look kind of non-chalant ... then you're gonna look around the room to see if there's anybody there you know.
And if there's somebody there you know you'll go over and sit at the table with'im ... and you look around to see if there's any pussy comin' in later. And you'll sit there and you keep watching the door and then you watch the floor ... and then you get lucky ohmygawd here comes one: here's one worth striving for ... she is ... she is training to be a nurse.
She looks clean, no potential of disease here, it looks like the BIG ONE, yes, you're gonna try for it, aren't you? Who knows, maybe you'll do good, maybe you won't. But you gonna try, because she looks like a nurse, right? No diseases and you gotta try, so ... she's coming in, she has a girlfriend. Her grilfriend is ugly. Because cute girls always have ugly girlfriends. And the reason that they have ugly girlfriends is because it makes them look cuter!
The girls come into the disco ... there they are ... they're getting ready for some action. They don't want anybody to know that they wanna get FUCKED all night long! Girls in their training to be nurses with ugly girlfriends don't want people to know that's what they really want!
So when they walk in, what do they do? They look around ... they go to the bar to see if there's any hunks at the bar. They checkin' out the hunks ... 's no good hunks at the bar ... there's a couple o' nerds at the bar. And somebody who's gonna be a nurse later does not wanna get pooched by a nerd! She wants a hunk. So, when there's no hunks at the bar, her and her ugly girlfriend go to the toilet together. (Wow!)
While they're in there ... they fix their hair ... they check their nails, they look around ... they smell their breath by holding their hands anything like this and blowing up their nose. (choking and gawking)
The ugly girlfriend takes out her eyebrow pencil and writes 'Fuck me, you ugly son of a bitch,' on the wall. Her girlfriend, who's gonna be a nurse tells her that's not really very nice to do but let's go out and see if there's any more hunks ... and they go out the toilet they go back into the disco they go out there look around the floor to see if there is any guys who can dance.
Well, there's always one ... he's a cute guy ... he has no ... he has no abilities in any field other than shaking his booty on the dance floor. But he doesn't need to because his father owns a department store! And he'll never have to go to work a day in his life, so he was born cute and he's dancing. And he's out there kind of waiting for somebody who's gonna grow up to be a nurse with an ugly girlfriend ... maybe ... anyway: you, remember you, when you went in there, and you, you saw the nurse before they went into the toilet ... but the nurse and her ugly girlfriend came out and they saw this dancing hunk on the floor – hey – this is gonna be some competition for you. You don't wanna see a nice clean nurse going on with a dancing hunk, do you? No, not you! You won't stand for it. You're part Italian, right? You're not? What, you Jewish? Love your nails. Anyway, 'cause of you're part Italian you get some'f yo friends and stab 'im when he left the club, wouldn't ya? But you're not gonna wait till he leaves the club. Now, you're gonna get 'im where it hurts, you don't care whether he's a cute guy dancing, you can't dance but you're gonna pooch the nurse, aren't you?
So you go over to the girl and you say these words, 'I respect you for your mind.' Then the nurse looks at you and goes, 'Jeesus Christ, Jeesus Fuckin' Christ, what's wrong with you?' And she turns to ugly girlfriend, says, 'Let's go, get the hunk!'
Then ... you get suicidal. You go to your friend, who's at the other table and you ask him if he's got any downers. And he does! He gives you a fistful of 'em, you wanna kill yourself, right there in the disco, don't you? So you eat all of the downers, right there. Down and down they go / Round and round they go^[1], you're going into a spin, you're loving the spin you're in ...
The next thing you know, you're up and you're dancing your ass off, aren't you? That's right. Suddenly, the nurse and her ugly girlfriend have new respect for you, because you're a potential dancing hunk. So ... but you're so wasted you don't even know what's going on. All this time you thought you were going to the toilet but you can't find it anymore. You just wander around a little to the dance floor and the beat goes on and you're so wrong, it's pumping away, and your buttocks are pumping up and down, you really are doing the twist and everything.
Well, the next thing you know ... you're over at the nurse's appartment. Her and her ugly girlfriend have all these S&M apparatus' ... because they discussed it ... before they took you there, they said, 'Hey, anybody who can dance like that has gotta be faan-tas-tic!' So you've been abducted near over there in the nurse's appartment, except, NOW, she's wearing black leather underpants, a garter belt, a pointed titanian brassiere and she's got a riding crop in one hand with a black Halloween mask, and she's putting on Black Sabbath albums in the back room. (Black Sabbath music) That's right.
But you're so wasted, wadda you know? You think you're having a good time. And theeen ... she makes you get down on your knees ... you're kissing her boots ... she's beating you across the forehead with the riding crop ... you don't know ... you're so wasted ... her ugly girlfriend is tying your hands behind your back with some barbed wire ... you like it a lot ... they roll you over ... they take a hot poker ... you still think you're having a good time ...
You see what can happen when you go to a Disco? You see what can happen when you leave a Disco? Well, and not to change the subject, ladies and gennelmen, we have this song, that we might's well do for you now and just, ah, end this thing off, ah, it's based on what the ... ah, the girl wrote on the wall in the toilet. Name of this song is: Stick It Out.

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

Zappa Albums

• Buffalo

Notes About This Song

1. In this Dancin' Fool-extending narration by FZ the song "That Old Black Magic" by Harold Arlen/Johnny Mercer is cited briefly.