Brevard Hand - Revision history

Spider of Destiny at 20:43, 1 July 2026

2026-07-01T20:43:58Z

Spider of Destiny: /* Frank Zappa */

2026-06-13T19:00:15Z

Frank Zappa

Spider of Destiny at 18:59, 13 June 2026

2026-06-13T18:59:36Z

Emdebe at 20:50, 8 May 2005

2005-05-08T20:50:35Z

New page

[[Category:The Real Frank Zappa Book (The List)]]

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 '''William Brevard Hand''' (January 18, 1924 - September 6, 2008) was a US Judge for the US District Court for the Southern District of Alabama (1971-2008).
-An ultra-conservative Christian judge with Republican sympathies, Hand was controversial for hanging a Confederate Flag in his office and for, in 1986, criticizing secular humanism in society, regarding a debate whether prayer should be mandatory in US schools. His attempts were eventually overruled and deemed unconstitutional.
+An ultra-conservative Christian judge with [[Republican Party]]  sympathies, Hand was controversial for hanging a Confederate Flag in his office and for, in 1986, criticizing secular humanism in society, regarding a debate whether prayer should be mandatory in US schools. His attempts were eventually overruled and deemed unconstitutional.
 ==Frank Zappa==

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 ==Frank Zappa==
-Frank Zappa criticized Judge Hand in ''[[The Real Frank Zappa Book]]'', where he advocates a [[Church of Secular Humanism]] to combat Brevard Hand's anti-humanism policies:
+Frank Zappa criticized Judge Hand in ''[[The Real Frank Zappa Book]]'', where he advocates a [[Church of American Secular Humanism]] to combat Brevard Hand's anti-humanism policies:
 ''"Thousands of years ago, wise men predicted a NEW RELIGION would appear at the time of a unique planetary alignment called The Harmonic Convergence -- THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED! The ancient writings didn't mention a Nixon-appointed judge named Brevard Hand, but they should have. His ruling in the controversial Alabama School Textbook Case provided the Final Sign From On High which led the unpredictable Mr. Honker to file articles of incorporation in the State of Alabama for C.A.S.H. -CHURCH OF AMERICAN SECULAR HUMANISM. In deciding the case, Judge Hand ruled that 'Secular Humanism' was, in fact, an actual religion, and that the tenets of its faith were dominating the curriculum of Alabama Schools, thereby violating the civil rights of decent Christian folks who demanded 'equal time.' The problem with this historic legal interpretation, according to some, was that there really wasn't a 'religion' called Secular Humanism. . . and certainly no CHURCH of SECULAR HUMANISM."''
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 ''"If the Judge's ruling was upheld, Secular Humanism was entitled to the same benefits under U.S. law that every other religion enjoys: tax exemptions, awesome political power, unaudited expenditures of vast sums on real estate speculations, etc."'', duplicating the actual language of the Judge's ruling. When asked to explain, Zappa paraphrased [[Oliver North]]: ''"As a result of Judge Hand's finding on this matter, I sensed a need for the creation of an 'off-the-shelf, stand-alone, self-financing (religious) organization, capable of worldwide covert action.' He also said, "If the Judge's ruling is struck down... and, in fact, it should be, there is still a need for this church. The people of Our Faith refuse to be persecuted any longer by a fanatical fifth column, shoveling money in the direction of 'special friends' in Washington, D.C."''.
 Zappa later reflected:''"Some of those were my additions -- not part of Judge Hand's ruling, which was struck down a short while later. After hearing this splendid news, I un-filed the papers and 'dissolved the religion."'' - Frank Zappa in ''[[The Real Frank Zappa Book]]''.
 ==External links==

← Older revision		Revision as of 18:59, 13 June 2026
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−	[[Category:The Real Frank Zappa Book (The List)]]	+	'''William Brevard Hand''' (January 18, 1924 - September 6, 2008) was a US Judge for the US District Court for the Southern District of Alabama (1971-2008).
		+
		+	An ultra-conservative Christian judge with Republican sympathies, Hand was controversial for hanging a Confederate Flag in his office and for, in 1986, criticizing secular humanism in society, regarding a debate whether prayer should be mandatory in US schools. His attempts were eventually overruled and deemed unconstitutional.
		+
		+	==Frank Zappa==
		+
		+	Frank Zappa criticized Judge Hand in ''[[The Real Frank Zappa Book]]'', where he advocates a [[Church of Secular Humanism]] to combat Brevard Hand's anti-humanism policies:
		+
		+	''"Thousands of years ago, wise men predicted a NEW RELIGION would appear at the time of a unique planetary alignment called The Harmonic Convergence -- THE PROPHECY HAS BEEN FULFILLED! The ancient writings didn't mention a Nixon-appointed judge named Brevard Hand, but they should have. His ruling in the controversial Alabama School Textbook Case provided the Final Sign From On High which led the unpredictable Mr. Honker to file articles of incorporation in the State of Alabama for C.A.S.H. -CHURCH OF AMERICAN SECULAR HUMANISM. In deciding the case, Judge Hand ruled that 'Secular Humanism' was, in fact, an actual religion, and that the tenets of its faith were dominating the curriculum of Alabama Schools, thereby violating the civil rights of decent Christian folks who demanded 'equal time.' The problem with this historic legal interpretation, according to some, was that there really wasn't a 'religion' called Secular Humanism. . . and certainly no CHURCH of SECULAR HUMANISM."''
		+
		+	''"If the Judge's ruling was upheld, Secular Humanism was entitled to the same benefits under U.S. law that every other religion enjoys: tax exemptions, awesome political power, unaudited expenditures of vast sums on real estate speculations, etc."'', duplicating the actual language of the Judge's ruling. When asked to explain, Zappa paraphrased [[Oliver North]]: ''"As a result of Judge Hand's finding on this matter, I sensed a need for the creation of an 'off-the-shelf, stand-alone, self-financing (religious) organization, capable of worldwide covert action.' He also said, "If the Judge's ruling is struck down... and, in fact, it should be, there is still a need for this church. The people of Our Faith refuse to be persecuted any longer by a fanatical fifth column, shoveling money in the direction of 'special friends' in Washington, D.C."''.
		+
		+	Zappa later reflected:''"Some of those were my additions -- not part of Judge Hand's ruling, which was struck down a short while later. After hearing this splendid news, I un-filed the papers and 'dissolved the religion."'' - Frank Zappa in ''[[The Real Frank Zappa Book]]''.
		+
		+	==External links==
		+	* [[Wikipedia:William Brevard Hand]]
		+
		+	[[Category:Targets\|Hand, Brevard]]
		+	[[Category:Judges\|Hand, Brevard]]
		+	[[Category:The Real Frank Zappa Book (The List)\|Hand, Brevard]]