Jason.Kreitzer: Created page with "
FZ:
Okay, guys. Ready to do the commercial?
Mark & Howard:
Yeah! Here we go! All right!
FZ:
Come on! Let's go! Let's do..."

2023-01-16T19:52:19Z

Created page with " FZ: Okay, guys. Ready to do the commercial? Mark & Howard: Yeah! Here we go! All right! FZ: Come on! Let's go! Let's do..."

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[[Biography|FZ]]:
 Okay, guys. Ready to do the commercial?

 [[Flo & Eddie|Mark & Howard]]:
 Yeah! Here we go! All right!

 FZ:
 Come on! Let's go! Let's do this commercial now!

 Mark:
 All right, Frank, we're all ready! The guy is really nuts . . .

 Howard:
 I know . . .

 Mark:
 He is so innocent I can't believe it.

 Howard:
 Hmm, hmm . . .

 [[Jim Pons|Jim]]:
 Then . . .

 Mark:
 Okay, here we go! Hi, hi, this is Mark and Howard and Jim here and we wanna tell you there's a great, great new movie out, yeah!

 Howard:
 Hi, hi . . . hi, hi . . . We're all in it and it's called 200 Motels.

 Mark:
 And I mean it is creative . . .

 Jim:
 Is he always like this?

 Mark:
 Who? Zappa?

 Jim:
 Mm-mmh.

 Mark:
 Yeah, ever since I've been in the band.

 Howard:
 We're rolling. We're rolling.

 Jim:
 We are? Oh.

 Mark:
 We're ro . . . Oh.

 Jim:
 Sorry.

 Howard:
 Take 2.

 Mark:
 Hi!

 FZ:
 Let's try another one, okay?

 Mark:
 Yeah.

 Howard:
 Okay.

 Mark:
 Sure, Frank. Ahemm ahemm. Hi!

 FZ:
 Let's try another one, okay?

 Mark:
 Yeah yeah, yeah. Fine. Just got it.

 Jim:
 He must have heard me.

 Howard:
 I think he did.

 Jim:
 Can he hear me in there when I . . .?

 Howard:
 He hears everything.

 Mark:
 Yeah, okay. Look at him, he's chewing a Baby Ruth in there.

 Jim:
 I've never been in a recording studio before.

 Mark:
 They're saving the little nuts for them!

 Howard:
 You've never been in a studio . . .

 Jim:
 Of course not.

 Howard:
 He's never been in a studio before.

 Mark:
 Puts 'em in his teeth, man.

 Howard:
 Zappa's never in a studio before . . .

 FZ:
 Let's try another one!

 Mark:
 Sure! Sure! We're ready, Frank. Rolling!

 Howard:
 Okay. Okay. Listen, I don't know what we're doing in here. It's kind of a mistake . . .

 Mark:
 We're advertising the . . .

 Howard:
 We have ten more minutes, man.

 Mark:
 Ten minutes . . . right.

 Howard:
 He's paying for this. It's a lucky thing, 'cause I have to leave quick.

 Jim:
 Listen.

 Howard:
 'Cause I gotta get out of it.

 Jim:
 My name is Jim.

 Mark:
 Hey!

 Howard:
 Hi, Jim.

 Mark:
 What's happened?

 Jim:
 Fred. He did introduce us.

 Howard:
 Oh, I'm Howard.

 Mark:
 This is Howard.

 Jim:
 How are you, Howard?

 Howard:
 We're from The Mothers, you know, the group you . . .

 FZ:
 You haven't met Jim. He's the bass player of the group.

 Howard:
 Oh.

 Mark:
 Oh.

 Howard:
 Oh. Well, the personnel changes so quick . . .

 FZ:
 Can we try it again, please?

 Mark:
 Yeah. Yeah.

 Howard:
 Okay. Mmh mmh . . .

 Mark:
 Okay. Sincere now, Howard. We're gonna make 'em believe that we love the movie.

 Howard:
 Well, we do love him. We love the movie and we loved being a part of it. But shlepping to make a commercial in this little rancid studio is not my idea of a good time.

 Mark:
 Right. We don't . . . Okay. Roll it, Frank! We're ready to go!

 FZ:
 Okay, let's take one now!

 Mark:
 Okay. Hi, kids!

 Howard:
 Hi!

 Mark:
 Hey . . .

 Jim:
 Hello. Hello.

 Mark:
 Howie here and Mark.

 Howard:
 Hey.

 Jim:
 Hello.

 Mark:
 Hey, you remember us?

 Jim:
 And . . . Jim?

 Mark:
 Those guys with the [shells]. Ha ha ha! Well, let me tell you . . .

 Howard:
 Oh, yes.

 Mark:
 We're in a big new movie that Frank produced and it's really coming out and it's, it's no, no kidding around this time. We wanna tell . . .

 Howard:
 What's it called?

 What will this evening
 Bring me this morning
 Dawn will arrive
 Without any warning

 Jim:
 You are dreaming . . .

 Howard:
 I'm so sleepy today.

 Mark:
 Howard, listen to the album! On United Artists. It's got the Royal Philharmonic . . .

 Howard:
 I just love the Royal Philharmonic.

 Mark:
 It's got The Mothers Of Invention, it's got a whole choir of singers and they're singing songs about . . .

 A Swedish apparatus with a hood and a bludgeon
 With a microwave oven, honey, how do it feel?

 Howard:
 Ooh . . . Oh . . .

 Two Hundred Motels

 FZ:
 Let's try another one! Okay?

 Howard:
 Okay.

 Mark:
 What is wrong, what's wrong with him? I mean . . . man.

 Howard:
 . . . there's money we're spending . . .

 Jim:
 He's always like this?

 Mark:
 It's a good thing he's paying.

 Howard:
 It's not always like this, I mean, sometimes the guy can't see . . .

 Mark:
 . . . I wanna tell you . . .

 Engineer:
 We're rolling.

 Mark:
 Yeah.

 Jim:
 How long is this gonna take?

 Howard:
 I don't know, man, we've been here a couple hours.

 Mark:
 Let me tell you, it's a good thing we get paid to do this.

 Howard:
 Yeah.

 Jim:
 We were supposed to be out of here an hour ago.

 Howard:
 Is your old lady picking you up, man?

 Mark:
 No, man, I rode with Jim.

 Howard:
 Oh, yeah? Well listen, I hope this commercial stuff gets out of the way. The guy makes a movie and he goes off the deep end, you know what I mean?

 Mark:
 Really, he thinks he's [https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000019/ Fellini] or something.

 Howard:
 Yeah, and he gets us to come out here and make all these cheap commercials. You know, we're supposed to say, "United Artists presents 200 Motels. Murakami Wolf/Bizarre Productions. And it's got The Mothers Of Invention and it's got Theodore Bikel and it's got Ringo Starr and it's got all sort of weirdness there," you know.

 Mark:
 Who wants to hear that stuff?

 Howard:
 I mean, I don't know if I can . . . I mean who's gonna buy a movie with newts and concentration camps?

 Mark:
 Anyway after all the things that Zappa's promised anyway for the last five years, movie-wise . . .

 Howard:
 Yeah, they don't even think it is a movie now. I mean . . .

 Jim:
 I'm not even in the movie. I was hitch-hiking on [[Sunset Boulevard|Sunset]].

 Howard:
 That's right! You never made that movie.

 Jim:
 No.

 Howard:
 That was cool to do and all but I, you know, a cheap get-off I mean. I don't know what we're doing on here. Lookit, man, it's almost ten minutes of eight.

 Mark:
 Well . . .

 Howard:
 What do you think, uh? Good thing we're getting paid to do this.

 Mark:
 It's always the same.

 Howard:
 Where's Zappa?

 Mark:
 I mean, he says, "Do it," we do it and we do it.

 Howard:
 What's it called?

 Mark:
 200 Motels.

 Howard:
 200 Motels.

 Mark:
 Not 2000 Motels, and it's not a documentary, it's a silly fun-filled event.

 Howard:
 There's lots of music and the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra.

 FZ:
 Did you read the press kit? Make your eyebrows go up and down.

 Mark:
 Oh, yeah, make your . . . Hey!

 Howard:
 Hey! Oh!

 FZ:
 That's it! Let's try another one!

 Mark & Howard:
 Okay!

 Mark:
 Okay. Hey. Take it, Howie!

 Howard:
 Hey, thanks a lot, kids, and hiya, hiya, hiya! We're three guys from The Mothers Of Invention and I wanna tell you we've got a snazzy new movie for you to see in your . . .

 Mark:
 Wait a minute, wait a minute

 Jim:
 Wait, really.

 Mark:
 Why don't you say something, Jim?

 Jim:
 I just, I'm not, I just hitchhiked, I was hitchhiking and Frank picked me up and said, uh, come in . . .

 Mark:
 "You wanna be in the band?," right?

 Jim:
 He wanted me to talk 'cause I have a low voice or something. I don't really know what's happening, man.

 Howard:
 He pays me to sing 'cause I've got a high one!

 Mark:
 He pays me to sing 'cause I can sing higher than Howie!

 Howard:
 That's right.

 Jim:
 Is this, is this supposed to be a commercial?

 Howard:
 This is supposed to be a commercial for . . .

 Mark:
 Commercial . . .

 FZ:
 Ha! Let's try another one!

 Howard:
 Hey! Another one!

 Mark:
 Yeah. Ah, this is a commercial for the movie 200 Motels. You haven't heard anything about it?

 Jim:
 No. What?

 Mark:
 [[Theodore Bikel]]'s in it.

 Jim:
 What? 200 Motels?

 Howard:
 [[Ringo Starr]]'s in it.

 Mark:
 [[Keith Moon]]! Where've you been at, man?

 Howard:
 All The Mothers Of Invention.

 Mark:
 . . . It's been in [[Rolling Stone]] and stuff . . .

 Jim:
 I just came down from [[California|Big Sur]].

 Mark:
 Oh, no wonder, Esalen out there.

 Howard:
 Oh . . . no pants on. Can you tell right away.

 Mark:
 Oh, he's naked through the trees.

 Jim:
 What about 200 Motels?

 Mark:
 Oh, it's a movie. United Artists. They gave him Frank the money and get a movie.

 Howard:
 That's right. Finally a movie. It's thrilling. It's good and everything.

 Mark:
 . . . Got some cartoon and stuff.

 Howard:
 It's a double record set with a, with poster and a book.

 Mark:
 A double record set with a poster and a book and uh, Howard's in it!

 Jim:
 And he makes you guys stand in here and . . .

 Howard:
 Well, you know . . .

 Mark:
 He makes us do everything.

 Howard:
 You've gotta get some bread even if you wanna drop out.

 Jim:
 Yeah, yeah.

 Mark:
 You know, man, it's hard.

 Jim:
 That's why I came to [[Hollywood]].

 Howard:
 To drop out?

 Jim:
 Yeah. No, to make some bread.

 Howard:
 Then you can drop out.

 Jim:
 Yeah.

 Howard:
 Gonna get your head together?

 Mark:
 Head together. Sorta.

 Jim:
 Yeah. But I'll make it.

 Howard:
 Yeah. I don't blame you.

 Jim:
 Does he pay you for this?

 Howard:
 Well, you know . . .

 Mark:
 Well . . . let's discuss . . .

 Jim:
 Tell me about the movie.

 Mark:
 Well, the movie is long, it's full length, yeah.

 Howard:
 Oh, it's a full length feature. Oh, and it's, it's really interesting, I mean.

 Mark:
 The drive in.

 Howard:
 Even if you weren't into the kind of a, of a social rock perverse avant garde commentary that this movie proposes to be, you would get off cheaply.

 Mark:
 It's an 'R.'

 Howard:
 Yeah.

 Jim:
 Is it?

 Howard:
 But it's clean.

 Mark:
 Not the least bit offensive.

 Howard:
 Not even to your . . .

 Jim:
 Is it out soon?

 Mark:
 Out soon.

 Howard:
 Out now!

 Mark:
 I think you'd like it.

 Jim:
 Who's in it?

 Howard:
 Oh . . .

 Mark:
 Ah, I'm in it.

 Howard:
 Oh, I'm in it.

 Jim:
 Yeah?

 Howard:
 Yeah.

 Mark:
 And who cares who else is in it?

 Howard:
 Once you got us, man, there you go, you know.

 Mark:
 I mean, Ringo Starr's in it, but he looks like Frank through the whole movie.

 Howard:
 Yeah. Theodore Bikel's in it, but he talks with a funny accent.

 Mark:
 Oh, Frank's back, Frank's back.

 FZ:
 Listen. You think you can explain a little bit more about how inoffensive it is?

 Mark:
 Sure.

 Howard:
 Mmm . . .

 Mark:
 It's not offensive at all!

 Jim:
 Is it rated 'R'?

 Mark:
 Rated 'R.' But it's clean. I mean there are some things in it that . . .

 Jim:
 I would think any movie Frank Zappa produced would be . . .

 Howard:
 Well, you see. But that's the fallacy, that the image of the thing . . .

 Mark:
 Don't say "fallacy." Don't ever say "fallacy."

 Howard:
 I didn't ever say that.

 Mark:
 Because it is . . .

 Howard:
 This movie is not offensive.

 Jim:
 Is there any nudity?

 Howard:
 Well, uh . . .

 Mark:
 Well, umm . . .

 Jim:
 Of course, well, I'm . . .

 Howard:
 But the body is such a beautiful thing . . . I mean, you know. . .

 Mark:
 You can't say that it's offensive. I mean, you know, it's got a . . .

 Howard:
 I mean, you come from Big Sur, don't you?

 Mark:
 It's got a [[Dogs|dog]] in it!

 Jim:
 Yes, I do.

 Howard:
 You hitchhiked from Big Sur?

 Jim:
 But I'm 69 years old too.

 Howard:
 Well . . .

 Mark:
 You're 69?

 Howard:
 It's never too late.

 Jim:
 Yeah. I've been living in Big Sur.

 Howard:
 All these years? No wonder he didn't know that 200 Motels was coming out.

 Mark:
 All these years . . . No wonder.

 Jim:
 Are there any four-letter words?

 Mark:
 Four-letter.

 Howard:
 Four-letter words . . .

 Mark:
 Well, I mean to you they might seem offensive, four-letter words, but to me, I mean I am free, you know?

 Jim:
 Of course. You got, you have long hair.

 Howard:
 Cleansed.

 Mark:
 Liberated.

 Howard:
 Liberated?

 Mark:
 Thank you. And I, to me four-letter words are as, you know . . .

 Jim:
 Right.

 Mark:
 . . . natural as the driven snow.

 Howard:
 Yeah. I've often said that.

 Jim:
 Right. You're typical.

 Howard:
 Typical of the young.

 Jim:
 Typical of the wandering youth.

 Howard:
 The long-haired, uh . . .

 Jim:
 Yeah . . .

 Howard:
 What's the matter with you, old man?

 Jim:
 Well, I don't know.

 Howard:
 What do you got, the downs on us or something?

 Mark:
 It's not offensive.

 Jim:
 Not against you personally, not against you personally.

 Howard:
 It's releasing, man, I mean . . . Who is this guy?

 Jim:
 I told you.

 Mark:
 I think it's Frank's dad.

 Jim:
 No, no, no.

 Howard:
 You pick up the weirdest guys on the road, I'm telling you. Look at his teeth . . .

 Mark:
 Hey, Frank! Who is this guy?

 FZ:
 This is Jim Pons, our new bass player!

 Howard:
 Oh, you're not in the movie?

 Jim:
 No, I'm not in the movie.

 Mark:
 Oh, well, I can see why you're so . . .

 Howard:
 No wonder he's bitter.

 Mark:
 Oh, bitter.

 Howard:
 Bitter . . . old hard cheese.

 Mark:
 Right. "I'm not in the movie, it can't be good." Right, Jim? Right?

 Jim:
 Right. Well. No.

 Howard:
 I'll tell you, man. The movie didn't offend me.

 Mark:
 Oh, me neither.

 Howard:
 I mean, I, I consider myself, you know . . .

 Mark:
 I mean, I have been offended before.

 Howard:
 People have called me a professional liberal but they've also said wild-eyed radical. So, who's to say, you know what I mean?

 Mark:
 Oh, I know what you mean.

 Howard:
 Yeah, well. Who's this guy?

 Mark:
 You know what he means?

 Jim:
 I have no idea what any of you mean. I was hitchhiking on the, on Sunset Boulevard . . .

 FZ:
 Tell 'em about the album.

 Jim:
 Frank Zappa stopped me and said, "Hey, uh, I've just decided with the rest of the fellas that the next person that I stop and pick up hitchhiking would be the bass player in my band."

 Mark:
 Mmmh . . .

 Jim:
 I don't . . .

 FZ:
 Just like Martin!

 Howard:
 Just like Martin.

 Jim:
 I have no, I don't even know how to play bass, much less what a bass is.

 Howard:
 Oh, you'll fit into the group real good.

 Jim:
 You know, I'm just standing here just trying to watch you, guys, and see how the record industry operates.

 Howard:
 Record? We've got an album that comes from this movie.

 Jim:
 That's what I heard.

 Howard:
 It's not offensive either.

 Mark:
 No, no, it isn't.

 Howard:
 No.

 Mark:
 Got lots of good music on it.

 Jim:
 What is, a soundtrack?

 Howard:
 Good songs. Yes, a soundtrack. It's a double record set. It's got the Royal Philharmonic . . .

 Mark:
 Two, that means, that means four sides. Double record set.

 Howard:
 Double. We're going too fast with the variety terms.

 Howard:
 Yeah. He's an old man.

 Jim:
 You mean two actually, two actually records, two actually . . .

 Howard:
 Yes, two records. Four sides.

 Mark:
 Two actual records. Got a little book.

 Howard:
 Turn it over, you know.

 Mark:
 Got a little book inside with a poster.

 Howard:
 Burp.

 Mark:
 16 uh . . .

 FZ:
 Hi, guys.

 Howard:
 Hi, Frank.

 Mark:
 Hi, Frank.

 FZ:
 How's the session, guys?

 Howard:
 Oh, good. Who is this guy you picked up, man?

 Mark:
 Who is this bass player?

 FZ:
 This is Jim Pons, he used to work with The Turtles.

 Howard:
 Hi, Jim.

 Mark:
 Hey, Jim.

 Jim:
 Howard.

 Howard:
 A pleasure, man.

 Mark:
 How you doing?

 Jim:
 Mark.

 Mark:
 Good to meet you.

 Howard:
 Yeah. Good to see you.

 Jim:
 Sorry, I had no chance to introduce myself earlier.

 Howard:
 Well, I'm a little shy about introducing myself.

 Jim:
 I was just down on Wilcox.

 FZ:
 I want, I want . . .

 Howard:
 Oh, yeah.

 FZ:
 Would you guys read part of this?

 Mark:
 Sure. Sure.

 Howard:
 Okay. Would you like any specific kind of . . .

 Mark:
 Maybe Jim should use, do that part.

 FZ:
 Yeah.

 Jim:
 Well, you know, I've never . . .

 Mark:
 Well, see, it can't be that hard.

 Howard:
 Yeah. Come on, man. I mean . . .

 Mark:
 Let me get a music stand.

 Howard:
 I saw six foot newts! I saw concentration camps . . .

 Jim:
 Those are only the things you see in your dreams.

 Howard:
 That's what I said to myself.

 Mark:
 They are not dreams, Howard, they are real. And they are at a theater or a drive-in and they are United Artists and they are Frank Zappa. They are 200 Motels.

==Recordings==
[[200 Motels 50th Anniversary Edition]]

[[Category:Tracks]][[Category:Spoken word tracks]]

200 Motels Commercial Session Outtakes - Revision history

Jason.Kreitzer: Created page with "FZ: Okay, guys. Ready to do the commercial? Mark & Howard: Yeah! Here we go! All right! FZ: Come on! Let's go! Let's do..."

Jason.Kreitzer: Created page with "
FZ:
Okay, guys. Ready to do the commercial?
Mark & Howard:
Yeah! Here we go! All right!
FZ:
Come on! Let's go! Let's do..."