Difference between revisions of "The Poodle Lecture"

From Zappa Wiki Jawaka
Jump to navigation Jump to search
 
(12 intermediate revisions by 8 users not shown)
Line 1: Line 1:
 +
__NOTOC__
 +
 
==Lyrics==
 
==Lyrics==
FZ:
+
'''FZ:<br>
 
+
In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.)
In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big
 
mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called
 
WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason
 
the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a
 
Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very
 
attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small
 
piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a
 
regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to
 
kiss you? Oh okay.)
 
 
 
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the
 
regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle,
 
didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the
 
olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the
 
MAN.
 
  
Guy In The Audience:
+
Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN.
  
 +
'''Guy In The Audience:<br>
 
You're the best!
 
You're the best!
  
FZ:
+
'''FZ:<br>
 
+
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my story, now listen ... What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen:
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my
 
story, now listen . . . What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no
 
no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen:
 
  
The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true.
+
The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over him.
And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get
 
some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over him.
 
  
In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I
+
In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of [[Tweezers|zircon encrusted tweezers]]." (Thank you very much.)
tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things
 
around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of
 
[[zircon encrusted tweezers]]." (Thank you very much.)
 
  
And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he
+
And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN.
got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a
 
dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that
 
money to the WO-MAN.
 
  
The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the
+
The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.
hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted
 
tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job,
 
while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN
 
had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral
 
appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very
 
much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It
 
didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.
 
  
And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little
+
And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh, visual aid ...
uh, visual aid . . .
 
  
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a
+
Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said:
little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies.
 
Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call
 
Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his
 
mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's
 
eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the
 
dog? She said:
 
  
 
==Players On This Song==
 
==Players On This Song==
 
==Records On Which This Song Has Appeared==
 
==Records On Which This Song Has Appeared==
 
===Zappa Albums===
 
===Zappa Albums===
 +
* [[Philly '76]] (2009)
 +
* [[FZ:OZ]] (2002)
 +
* [[You Can't Do That On Stage Anymore Vol. 6]] (1992)
 +
* [[Halloween 77]]
 +
* [[2012 AAAFNRAA (Baby Snakes Soundtrack)]]
 +
 +
===Bootleg Recordings===
 
* [[An Evening In Detroit]]
 
* [[An Evening In Detroit]]
 
===Tributes &amp; Cover Albums===
 
  
 
==Notes About This Song==
 
==Notes About This Song==
 
==CC Clues In This Song==
 
==CC Clues In This Song==
[[Category:Tracks|Poodle Lecture, The]]
+
Mentions [[Tweezers|zircon encrusted tweezers]]
 +
[[Category:Tracks|Poodle Lecture]]
 +
[[Category:Tracks with sexual topics|Poodle Lecture]]
 +
[[Category:Spoken word tracks|Poodle Lecture]]

Latest revision as of 08:27, 9 December 2021


Lyrics

FZ:
In the beginning God made 'the light.' Shortly thereafter God made three big mistakes. The first mistake was called MAN, the second mistake was called WO-MAN, and the third mistake was the invention of THE POODLE. Now the reason the poodle was such a big mistake is because God originally wanted to build a Schnauzer, but he fucked up. Now a long time ago, the poodle used to be a very attractive dog. The poodle had hair evenly distributed all over its small piquant canine type BODY. That's the way it used to be, the poodle used to be a regular looking dog. You know it's true, I guess you do too. (Oh, I have to kiss you? Oh okay.)

Anyway listen, check this out. The poodle used to look good, you know the regular dogs that used to hang out in the neighbourhood looked at the poodle, didn't think anything of it. You know, they didn't use to make fun of it in the olden days. But the WO-MAN, as you know, has always been much smarter than the MAN.

Guy In The Audience:
You're the best!

FZ:
That stuff is very bad for you, throw it away, okay. Now you're interrupting my story, now listen ... What is that? Is that the Tower of Power or what? Oh no no, it's one of those dope fiend devices, take it away. Now listen:

The WO-MAN has always been much smarter than the MAN, you know this is true. And so it was since the beginning of time. The MAN would do anything to get some pussy. And that's why the WO-MAN always had control over him.

In the beginning the WO-MAN looked the MAN directly into the eye and said: "I tell you what, why don't you go get a job because I could use a few nice things around the house. Mainly what I need is a clipper, a scissors, and a pair of zircon encrusted tweezers." (Thank you very much.)

And of course the MAN did his duty as they say in the trade. He went out and he got a goddamn job. Went out and pushed that broom around for about a dollar-2.98 an hour, brought his money back to the garden of Eden and gave that money to the WO-MAN.

The WO-MAN ran out the back door of the garden of Eden, went directly to the hardware store, got the clippers, the scissors and the zircon encrusted tweezers and came back and, while the MAN was very tired from having his job, while he was sleeping, the WO-MAN got a hold of the POODLE. Because the WO-MAN had noticed earlier that the length and proportion of the poodle oral appendage, the tongue of the dog in other words, ladies and gentlemen, was very much to her liking, except that this dog had too goddamn much hair on it. It didn't have the disco look that's so popular nowadays.

And so the WO-MAN sat out to modify the aforementioned dog. Let me get a little uh, visual aid ...

Now she took the dog and she cleaned it up a little bit. You see, she took a little bit of the back-part here, around the neck, the thorax, the tootsies. Got all of the unwanted extranious material off this area which we shall call Burbank. Then she set the little sucker up like this, really nice, got his mouth set up like that. And squatted right ON HIM. Looking down into the dog's eyes. She looked down into the dog's eyes, do you know what she said to the dog? She said:

Players On This Song

Records On Which This Song Has Appeared

Zappa Albums

Bootleg Recordings

Notes About This Song

CC Clues In This Song

Mentions zircon encrusted tweezers