Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version)
Contents
Lyrics
My name is Swaggart I am an asshole All my friends, They call me "Jim" (Hi, Jim!) I'm from Louisiana, I make lots of money, But I fucked up And committed a sin
Come out here to Californy, Just to find me Some pretty girls (No shit!) The ones I seen Gets me so horny; Ruby lips, 'N teeth like pearls!
Wanna love 'em all! In the name of Jesus! Wanna pretty girl - I'll even pay! I'll buy 'em furs! I'll buy 'em jewelry! I'll never fuck them; Here's what I say:
I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Speakin' atcha!) I only give 'em the tips of him! (Posin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute... Yodel-oh-ooh-pee-hey Yodel-oh-ooh-pee!
(He's lonesome Cowboy Jim Look at the tip of him!) Come on in this place, 'N I'll buy you a taste, You can sit on my face - Where's my prostitute/waitress?
Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (thank you!) Swaggart, Swaggart redneck (yessir!)
I'm an awful nice guy! (so you say) I sweat all day in the sun! (oh yeah, yeah) I'm a preacher by trade, Quite a bundle like me, And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble Son-of-a-gun! (He's a unionized roofin' old Son-of-a-gun!) Fill in the blank!
When I get off, I get, When I get off, I get, When... I, I, I, I, And then, Sharkey says: When I get off (pfft!) I get sinful (Just the tip! Only the tip now, come on) I spoo Till I goo On the rug Then I find me Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann-, Louisiana style prostitute And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch And I have So much fun Jay-zus! Jay-zus! (Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun) (What?)
I huff And I puff (Hratche-plche Hratche-plche) And I pump up my sanctified erection Till my cheeks Puff up An' turn red Along with my neck (Say, varmint!) I drool On my shirt Takes a little while before I squirt But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet UH-OH! Made a mistake this time! Now I've sinned Everybody! (What an asshole!) Made a mistake and I sinned, uh! Made a mistake and I sinned, ow! Made a mistake and I sinned, what? Made a mistake and I sinned
Lonesome Cowboy Jim! (Sinnin' atcha!) Come smell this fringe-y shirt! (Grinnin' atcha!) My cowboy pants, My cowboy dance, My bold advance, On this here prostitute... Yodel-oh-ooh-pee-yeah Yodel-oh-ooh-pee!
(He's lonesome cowboy jim/scott, Boo-hoo-hoo-hoo Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat) (Oh, tune me in now) Come on in this place, An' I'll buy you a taste, 'N you can sit on my face - Where's my prostitute? Opal, you hot little bitch!
Players On This Song
THE BEST BAND YOU NEVER HEARD IN YOUR LIFE version
- Frank Zappa - lead guitar, computer-synth, vocal
- Ike Willis - rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
- Mike Keneally - rhythm guitar, synth, vocal
- Bobby Martin - keyboards, vocal
- Ed Mann - vibes, marimba, electronic percussion
- Walt Fowler - trumpet, flugel horn, synth
- Bruce Fowler - trombone
- Paul Carman - alto sax, soprano sax, baritone sax
- Albert Wing - tenor sax
- Kurt McGettrick - baritone sax, bass sax, contrabass clarinet
- Scott Thunes - electric bass, mini-moog
- Chad Wackerman - drums, electronic percussion
Records On Which This Song Has Appeared
Singles
FZ Albums & Side Projects
Tribute & Cover Albums
Notes About This Song
The lyrics of this Zappa song have been altered to target televangelist Jimmy Swaggart, who was caught in a 1988 sex scandal.
See also: Lonesome Cowboy Burt.
CC Clues In This Song
"Those readers unfamiliar with Laurie Anderson's work might not realize that we're parodying her in the middle section of 'Lonesome'---'Sharkey' is a character in several of her songs. I suggested including the relentless "ha ha ha ha ha ha" vocal part, ripped off from her song 'O Superman', and I came to regret it on some evenings when Frank decided to keep the section going on forever."
